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Monday, January 7, 2013

Between Freedom & Emancipation: I found myself

Between Freedom & Emancipation: I found myself


Gaza, Ever thought about Freedom? Silly question, I know for sure that indeed you thought about it allot, but what I meant is: Have you ever looked the meaning up in the dictionary and thought about it? As you can see in the picture above, “Freedom” has several meanings. But in my personal opinion, Freedom is a feeling that only you can interpret in your own way and words. Which definition suits you from the above picture? I chose one, I will come back to it later.

As a Palestinian, I was born to seek freedom. But also as a human I was born with a thirst for freedom. Its not just about indulging in a free independent country, no, its also about setting yourself and humanity free then using this freedom to fight cruelty, poverty, inhumanity, war crimes…..etc.

Gaza is the biggest open air prison that earth has ever known, these aren’t just words, I live in Gaza, I live in that prison. Waking up every day in a besieged big open-air prison isn’t easy, thirst for freedom elevates every second and it turns into a pressure or a duty or a must or maybe all three together. I never felt unsafe in Gaza, but I never felt safe either. I never felt free but god knows that I tried so hard to find white canvases to paint freedom on, believing that freedom can be found in little details and can be sparked within little steps.

My daily routine consists of power outages, Israeli warplanes either bombing or violating the sanctity of Gaza’s sky or both, water shortages, daily news of Israel’s violation of human rights in Palestine, Palestinian prisoners on hunger strike, Fatah-Hamas division, news about Syria, Egypt and the world.

Then I traveled to the US. I lived in Manhattan for a month, I was always busy with UN media training and discovering every place I can. Suddenly, my body gets accustomed to a whole new system. Suddenly, every pressure is lifted. Suddenly, I feel like a normal human being who is living in a familiar easy place. Suddenly, I think I feel a certain definition of the word “Freedom”, I feel “improper familiarity”. Why do I feel this sensation of improper familiarity? Because I am not designed to feel like a normal human being. HELLO, I am Palestinian and I live in Gaza, if that doesn’t scream “abnormal”, I don’t know what does. And I shouldn’t feel any familiar to a place other than my homeland, especially if it’s the US which has a government that is supporting the occupation of my homeland.

I also felt guilty, I felt like I am betraying Gaza. Hell, I felt like I am betraying Palestine, all Palestinians and the Palestinian cause. How can I forget everything and just dare to feel free while my country is still occupied and my home is still besieged? HOW?

What felt like a sweet moment quickly turned into bitterness and guilt.

But “Freedom” is overpowering, let it not kid or fool you. Freedom is indeed dangerous. I couldn’t stop it or help it, I was feeling “FREE” and I felt fear clenching over my heart and taking over my body.

What happens after I go back to Gaza? Will I crave this rare sensation? Will I seek it out of Gaza instead of needing it for and in Palestine? What if I feel free out of Palestine and never in Palestine? What if freedom out of Palestine becomes a goal instead of seeking freedom inside and for Palestine? What if feeling free out of Palestine becomes a comfort zone and I end up forgetting about freeing my country?

I got confused, then angry, then frustrated and I nearly cried in the middle of a street in Manhattan’s upper east side. Yet, I kept walking.

 I felt the most free when I was alone walking around New York. I will never ever forgot the first moment of recognizing a weird sensation that was running slowly but majorly through my blood. I was walking aimlessly through the streets of Manhattan, losing track of time\place\directions. It was a Saturday and I had nothing to hold me down, I knew I would end up getting back home if I get lost anyway, so I just kept walking with nothing on my mind.

I reached a corner and was about to cross to the other side of the street, not caring where it leads me, then I stopped. Time stopped, I froze. I felt no pressure or stress, no worries or cares. I felt free. I could go wherever I want, do whatever I may and no matter what I will get back home safely at the end of the day. Is that freedom? Or is it emancipation? Or maybe both? Or I simply might be losing my mind.

I continued walking. It was a very cold but sunny day. I had my headphones in my ears, some music was jamming and I just smiled. I had many mixed emotions but I decided to confront them later.

I went to bed that day knowing that eventually I will have to face the inevitable. I need to figure out what happened with me that day and how and why I felt what I felt. I looked the word “Emancipation” up online to see if I felt any literal meanings of it. I gave up but then I came across the medical meaning of it, shown in the picture below.



Yes, that was me, I was the original homogeneous embryo. I gradually separated my mindset from Gaza and I found myself entering new fields with potential of development known as “New York”. I felt worse. I don’t want to separate gradually from Palestine and Gaza. I want to remain a loyal concerned original homogeneous embryo. I was confused, and I thought I have lost my mind already.

I found myself between “Freedom” and “Emancipation”, I found my home between them. I might feel the same feelings in other countries and cities around the world but none of them will resonate until I feel them in my own homeland (Palestine). So I had to accept how good those feelings felt and yet remind myself that I need to keep seeking freedom for my country until I feel those same exact feelings in my own homeland.

We are all born free until something or someone tries to oppress us. We are willing to spend our lifetime seeking freedom and even risk losing it for the sake of freedom.

So until Palestine is free, I won’t rest. I might travel, take breaks and cherish instantaneous freedom but I won’t give up, hopefully. My thoughts also are with Syria, Egypt and all oppressed nations around the world.

Love, peace, humanity and hugs,
Omar from Gaza



Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Teaser: 4m Gaza 2 the US & back

Teaser: 4m Gaza 2 the US & back


Gaza, January 2, Happy new year peeps everywhere. I will write something about the new year soon, I promise. Let me also apologize for abandoning my blog for this long but I had an intense couple of months. I am a person of details, I like to observe and notice the littlest things so I took my time to absorb everything I saw and process it rather than writing about it immediately.

2012 was about to be the best year in my life, but my grandmother’s death affected that. Yet, I can’t deny that it was one of the best. I started it by making a dream come true and work at Doctors without Borders – France, and ended it by making another dream come true by visiting New York, the city of my dreams.

Ofcourse, and as I mentioned before and about to mention briefly now, as a Palestinian you will be exposed to all kinds of interrogations and obstacles whether on Rafah border, at Cairo airport and at JFK airport. But I was determined to make it happen and god stood by my side and all the prayers that everyone was generous enough to send my way actually worked and I found myself at the exit door of JFK airport in Queens, NYC.

Its weird how familiar and easy I felt as soon as I step foot in New York. I felt like I know it by heart. Its like my system immediately upgraded to “NYC MODE”. I don’t know if the fact that we are all under the same sky wherever we are helped, or simply because I knew New York before I visited it made things seem so familiar.

During my UN media training in New York, we worked hard and whatever time we had left we decided to explore the big apple. I rarely had time to write and even when I did, I couldn’t, because I wasn’t in a place where I processed things like they should be processed and talked about. So I decided to wait till I come back.

My trip wasn’t normal at all. The night that I arrived to New York, we went directly to Time Square and witnessed the results of the American Elections being announced live there. Obama won, I had mixed feelings. We visited places that not many people get to visit like: The White House, The Congress, U.S. Department of State, numerous organizations of all kinds and many historical places.

Israel’s second war on Gaza broke while I was in Washington and this changed everything. I didn’t sleep for days and was always in direct contact with family and friends in Gaza. I participated in protests against the Israeli aggression on Gaza and was featured on many media venues to talk about it and about being in America while my family are under danger in Gaza.

We had the honor of experience firsthand the “International Day of Solidarity with Palestine” and be an insider, this day also happened to be the day of Palestine’s UN recognition, whatever that means or makes you feel. We were inside the General Assembly. We met world leaders, President Abbas and his gang, Roger Waters of Pink Floyd and many other personalities that day. This alone, was a historical day that marked our trip.

I did my best to explore New York as much as I can. I walked like I never walked before in my life. I tried to live every experience possible. I was very lucky and smart in getting cabs and figuring out which ones are available and which ones are not. I tried different cuisines from around the world and managed to see many of NYC’s landmarks.

Ofcourse, my average intelligence will make me split my American experience into two or three blog posts instead of one huge boring post. So consider this as a teaser ;)

I still owe you, my dear readers, new blog posts about: New Year of 2013 and the highlights of 2012 and the parts of my American experience so hold this against me if I didn’t write them.

I hope you all had a splendid New Year’s eve and may we all have a great year and become better persons. Make sure you take time to think about others this year as you think about yourself.

I will leave you with this weird sensation that I felt on a cold but sunny day in New York. It was a Saturday, one of the rare weekends that we get to be free all day. I cleaned, did the laundry and despite my sickness I decided to leave my apartment (in the heart of Manhattan’s upper east side, NYC) and explore my outstanding block.

I left the building. I started walking aimlessly around my block. I walked and walked and walked. It was cold yet the sun was warming me up and making me smile. I lost track of time and directions. I didn’t care. I walked without a certain address, without fear, without any care for time or any worries. I was alone and lost in the streets of New York and suddenly I was overwhelmed by a shower of weird tickling sensation. My mind was screaming: “OMG, I FEEL FREE”. I paused. I had my headphones on listening to music, but occasionally I would take them off to listen to the surroundings.

I stopped in the middle of the street, and wondered, is this what freedom feels like?
I was puzzled. Freedom is a broad conception and be interpreted in a million way. I know that there is a definition for the word “Freedom” but I believe that in reality you can’t define freedom because everyone has his own take at explaining it.

I was gifted a book called “The Stranger”, written by Albert Camus, originally in French and known as “L’etanger” but then got translated by many. The version that I read was translated by Mathew Ward. I will need a whole blog post to share my input and review of the book but there was a sentence that took me aback because I felt that exact feeling. The writer captures a certain moment when the main Character “Meursault”, thinks about Freedom and remembers feeling it when he was alone wandering around in strange streets and wonders if that is “Freedom”.

I never thought that freedom can hold such simple meanings and can be felt at such eccentric little moments. I think this is one of our main problems in life, we always tend to rush so we can keep up with the bigger picture while we ignore the little details that might turn out to be keys that unlock many mysterious questions.
How do you define freedom? And Have you ever felt “Free” in awkward little moments and felt taken aback by it?

Best wishes,
Omar from Gaza

Monday, October 29, 2012

Egypt


Egypt

Pic by MiralKhan on Devian Art

P.S. This post is too long, sorry for that. Keep in mind my observations happened in 3-4 days & I only saw 1% of Egypt so forgive my narrow perspective and enjoy.        

Gaza, October 29, I will start this blog post about Egypt by a tweet I replied with to a question that was directed to me about Egypt. "Egypt was a million explosive things hidden underneath a weaved blanket of so many overwhelming emotions.  It was like leaving the love of your life to go meet a long lost lover."
“(Egypt) is a great place for contrasts: splendid things gleam in the dust.”
― Gustave Flaubert, Flaubert in Egypt: A Sensibility on Tour

It was like an out-of-body experience. Leaving Gaza was pretty easy, yes I had to wait for 4-5 hours but I actually crossed the Palestinian and Egyptian border and was ready to jump onto the cab ride to Cairo that usually takes 4-5 hours, unlike many guys whom I witnessed being asked to head back to Gaza for different reasons. The mission-impossible is a mission-accomplished now.

At first we passed through Egyptian Rafah, an identical twin to the Palestinian Rafah. The houses, the shops, the people and the sand. Everything is alike. I felt like we were still in Gaza. Then, we passed through Al Arish, it has the Gaza vibe until you start witnessing the very tall, fancy, schmancy and huge hotels and sports clubs. Then comes Sinai desert. Miles and miles of endless luscious silky sand that you feel like diving in or covering your body with. Then you pass through different areas until you reach "Ismailia". It immediately brought back flashbacks of "Deir El Balah" in Gaza. Tall and arrogant palm trees. Allot of planted lands. A few pedestrians walking by. 

I was captivated and taken aback with everything my eyes are trying to absorb and fathom to the extent that I decided not to take pictures. I wanted to take photographic memories with my eyes instead, and then come here and describe what I saw and felt instead of sharing pictures.
Then, reality starts kicking in. "I am out of Gaza", I murmured to myself. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings. I felt triumph for making it to Egypt after defying all the odds and realities that were telling me how impossible reaching Egypt or NYC will be. But at the same time something weird was happening, I felt like a drug addict, like Gaza was slowly withdrawing from my system. I instantly got sad and felt like air is abandoning my body. Then I felt like a fish, a fish that was taken out of water, it was nice sneak-peaking outside the tank, but I wanted to return to Gaza right there and then.

"Omar, you are on a mission, remember?! Hang in there. You are doing this for yourself and for numerous other Gazan girls and guys who will be in your shoes one day", I tried desperately to inject some sense into myself. I calmed down.

We passed through streets of an area that had only huge factories. Huge companies, huge factories and huge smokestacks gushing thick grey pieces of smoke that looks like a staying-still pieces of fluffy cotton candy. I got sad. I remembered the area in Gaza that is filled with factories, factories that no longer work because of the Israeli bombardment and\or siege. It hit me right there and then, an indubitable fact: Egypt is a country, a huge country, Gaza isn’t a country and its very tiny in comparison to Egypt.

More time was passing and I never wasted a minute. I observed and absorbed everything in the scope of my human abilities. I then reached a point of observing things while my mind is wandering on a black horse.
We started reaching Cairo and I felt a tingle in my throat and a jingle in my heart. It was getting dark. My dear "SUN" was accompanying me all the way until she got tired and decided to go sleep; she was wearing such a recherché orange glowing dress. Sunset in Egypt was beautiful, I know sunsets everywhere are alike, but I have to admit that the sunset in Gaza is much more beautiful, tender, rich, and the colors are more harmonious.

Darkness didn’t stop Cairo from preserving its assiduousness. Big banners, flashy lights everywhere, wide streets and vibrant colorful vibes that penetrates the darkness of the night. The only difference between day and night in Egypt is the sun. The atmosphere doesn’t change much. Oh, and the weather becomes amazing at night. The Nile was very flirtatious, sexy and arrogant. Many loud vessels (of different shapes and sizes) were cruising around in the Nile but the most beautiful scene was how the surrounding lights were reflecting on the Nile's surface creating a 3rd dimensional painting.

A new day has come. Sun started slowly pouring light and pumping it into Cairo. I was in awe. Cairo turns into a beehive in the morning, traffic in a constant rush-hour, people riding cars or walking to work\school\university, you can just feel how energetic the atmosphere around you is.
Cairo has many bridges; it’s a clever way to connect different roads and areas. Bridges is a new experience for me; it just goes to show how big of a city Cairo is.

Have you ever been spoken to by buildings? I am not peddling minutiae here, I am serious. I don’t know if people notice that, but the buildings in Cairo are so corpulent and they ooze a freedom that is crowned by independence. Buildings in Egypt asseverate a very obvious fact: Egypt is an independent, strong and solid country. Governmental buildings are colossal. Museums are huge. Malls are huge. Companies are huge. Shops are huge. Streets are huge. Supermarkets are huge. Everything is just humongous. In a way, I wish we had this confidence in Gaza, but I wouldn’t deny that this made me miss how cozy and warm Gaza is, with its small streets and small buildings.

I passed through "Abdeen", its very Egyptian and vivid. Shops, people walking, cars and busy streets. I stayed at "Zamalek", I have to say that its one of Egypt's most charming and classy neighborhoods, and its so quiet. The streets are beautiful, trees are everywhere. You can easily find shops, bakeries, restaurants, pharmacies, hotels and every other thing you are looking for. Zamalek has a special vibe of its own. My only problem with Zamalek was how similar its streets are.

I also passed through "Al-Ma'adi", a very upscale Egyptian neighborhood that is very classy and charming also. Although its very similar to Zamalek, it still has its own vibe.

Cairo's downtown is unbelievable and impeccable. It’s the perfect marriage of local stores and international brands. You will find everything you are looking for. The famous "Madbooli" bookstore is located in the heart of Cairo's downtown, it’s a great place for people who likes to treasure-hunt Arabic books. Streets and streets of all kinds of shops, boutiques, restaurants, banks, bakeries, pharmacies, shoes stores and much much much more. It reminded me of Beirut's downtown and Gaza's downtown too. People were walking in every direction you can think of. An aspiring artist was displaying his work on the street, they were truly impressive.

You would think that the weather in Cairo would be atrocious, on the contrary, it wasn’t very different from Gaza, very hot in the day and easy breezy in the night. I didn’t notice a difference and I wasn’t bothered at all.

The most interesting street was the street that homed "The Cultural Wheel" or "Sa2yet El Sawi". When we passed next to it my heart jumped out of my chest and I flashed a huge smile. I turned into a 5-year old who was approaching a candy store. It looked so big from the outside, and so sexy. I didn’t have time to get in there but passing next to it alone flew me to cloud nine. I was high on ecstasy. But I wasn’t even prepared to what was about to happen.

Have you heard of "Diwan" bookstore in Egypt? I am sure many of you know it. I knew it too but I forgot all about it until the awesome cab driver blurted, "I heard you were looking for English books and got disappointed when you didn’t find any at Madbooli's. Would you like to check Diwan bookstore?". I was electrocuted with emotions. At first, I was disappointed with myself for forgetting about Diwan bookstore but then I remembered that everything was happening too fast. Then, I was jumping with excitement. I found myself saying to the cab drive: "YES, YES, YES". I proved to the world that just like Herbal Essence Shampoo can give you an orgasmic shower (per to their advertisement), bookstores can make you sound like you were having an orgasm. I would have turned to a red tomato of embarrassment but I was nonchalant, I was too excited for "Diwan" bookstore.

"OMG, I died and was sent to heaven", "No wait, its like a candy store", "hallelujah", " I am in love", I kept murmuring things to myself. My only regret was that I had not much time to look around and boy I wanted to spend half of my life there. I started sifting through the aisles and bookshelves while I overwhelm the poor employee there with a thousand question about a thousand books at the same time. It was an unforgettable hour.

I found so many books, some I read and others were on my wishlist. I discovered many new authors and amazing new books. I tried to process everything I was seeing. I bought a few books and exited leaving my heart there. I will definitely be visiting them the next time I am in Cairo.
If you are planning to visit Cairo soon and you are a reading geek like me, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check Diwan bookstore, here is their website: http://www.diwanegypt.com/

We passed through a cozy restaurant called "Maison Thomas" which basically specializes in Pizza. The name might sound British but the ambiance was definitely Italian. Its like you were strolling through Venice.
I happened to pass through Tahrir Sq. so many times and every time it happens I turn into a superman. I become happy, and confident and free. It looks and feels so familiar and it illustrates hard work. I became friends with Tahrir Sq. but I definitely need to spend some time there next time. "El Midan" and "El Tahrir" people call it there and I found myself talking about it like an Egyptian, I even was bragging about it giving the sense that my father owned it (LOL).

I met two cab drivers during this short trip. Abo yousef, such a gentleman, he was very respectful and very well awared of everything in Egypt. He was the perfect blend of a modern man yet he was very keen on holding onto his roots. He even became more amazing when he knew I was Palestinian. He liked how I spoke the Egyptian dialect so well but he said I don’t look like an Egyptian (the story of my life, people think I am a foreigner when I am in Gaza, even in Egypt I can't fake being an Arab). Abo yousef was very spontaneous and he feared god in a very respectful way, he was very funny and entertaining. But he kinda lost me when he wanted to impress me but putting on some new trendy cheap music that everyone is listening to in the streets, especially youngsters.

Abu Gooda, he was great, but I didn’t get to spend as much time as I did with Abo Yousef. But Abu Gooda was also very respectful and kind and helpful and he was the one who suggested Diwan bookstores and immediately became my favorite (I know I am biased).

Egyptians. Ah, I don’t know how to express my love and respect to Egyptians. I didn’t meet a single rude Egyptian (aside from the window 6 girl at the US Embassy in Cairo). Everyone was sweet, kind, respectful, helpful, smiley, considerate and caring. They even took their sweetness up a notch whenever they knew I was Palestinian. They truly love Palestine and Palestinians with all their heart. I admit, Cairo intimidated me with how big it is but I never felt like I was a stranger because people were so warm there.
Egyptians walked with confidence, like a nation that ignited a revolution, a revolution that changed the whole Arab world. I loved watching how confident and free Egyptians are. They speak freely –whether pro or against Mubarak or Morsi or any other political party or politicians-, they walk freely and they express themselves in an amazingly emancipated way that left me in awe.

I love watching graffiti but I have to say that Egyptians took graffiti into a whole new level. I saw endless kinds of graffiti holding so many different and sometimes contrasting messages. Most of the graffiti was against Mubarak's toppled regime and the new Ikhwan regime. Graffiti work was so bold and brave. Some Graffiti work was against the police and was placed on the walls of the military police headquarters. Some Graffiti work was hilarious with the painted characters and funny messages, this left me cachinnating heartily. Also many Graffiti had some heartfelt messages about the martyrs of the Egyptian revolution.

Poverty is an epidemic that is eroding Egypt's lowest class and its very visible even in Egypt's upscale and upper class areas and neighborhoods. But, in contrary to what we hear on TV, I noticed all three classes in Egypt: Upper, middle and lower. Unlike Gaza, which is slowly becoming a two-classed impoverished coastal enclave with only the upper and lower classes being obviously visible recently.

I haven’t had local Egyptian food this time but I did before and I have to say I am addicted to the Egyptian Kushari. It’s a very simple yet delicious meal that leaves you very full, satisfied and pleasured.

I also noticed how modernized and westernized Cairo is becoming but I am not worried because I believe Egyptians are very glued to their roots, or so I would like to believe. I think the revolution played a role in bringing Egyptians closer to Egypt.

After living the Egyptian revolution through TV and Twitter, I considered myself half Egyptian and I felt like I was a part o the revolution. I wasn’t at tahrir sq. but my soul was definitely there. I was glued to the TV, I didn’t sleep, I tweeted like a mad person and I genuinely cared. I mourned the Egyptian martyrs, I rejoiced the victories and I even thought of Egypt as an Egyptian. But in Egypt I became more Palestinian. I envied Egypt and I wished that one day I get to have an independent free country that is strong as Egypt. Egyptians' love for Palestine also kept the flame of Palestine very well lit inside of me. I felt a responsibility because I was representing my people.

Egypt had many things in common with Gaza but perhaps one of them was the huge number of foreigners who are living in or visiting the country. The only difference is that Egypt even had allot of Arab nationalities either vacationing or studying or staying there because of journalism.  I was impressed to see how easy everyone was acting, they were acting like they were at home and I am not surprised because I had the same feeling.

We hear allot about how unsafe Egypt, Cairo, Sinai and El Arish are but I found the contrary. Egypt was so very safe and peaceful that helps you be at peace. The country is very safe and the people are so warm, friendly, kind and helpful that you rarely feel alarmed.

I fell in love with Egypt, and it helped me love Palestine even more.

I saw so many international and Arabic cities in Cairo. It had the dynamicity of New York, the vivid nightlife of Lebanon, the charming and cozy atmosphere of Venice, the shopping splurge of Paris and much more. Cairo has many sides to it, which basically suites everyone no matter what his\her taste is.
I didn’t experience any power outages during my stay in Cairo but what I witnessed is the fuel crisis that was majorly affecting everyone. I saw endless lines of cars waiting anxiously infront of fuel stations dreaming of a chance to fill their tanks, a scene that isn’t strange to me since I see it allot here in Gaza.

Egypt isn’t perfect. I think of it as a paragon of beauty. Yes, there is many downsides but I think the positives over power the negatives of Egypt, or so I would like to believe. Perhaps a few of the observed negatives are:
1-     How expensive Egypt has became. I mean the prices are skyrocketing. Everything is very overly priced to an extent that left me in mere shock.
2-     How cab drivers and some shop owners tend to exaggerate or increase the price of stuff just because you are a foreigner.
3-     The smothering traffic that leaves you tired and angry.
4-     The widely spread beggars across Egypt. They will stay after you till a miracle shows up and rescues you.
5-     Some streets are dirty, which is a shame because most of the streets are clean and awesome.
And one of Cairo's biggest advantage or upside is how they master customer service. If you are paying money then they will make sure you are highly respected and you will get the best service out there no matter what they have to do to achieve that. I was jealous of that. I wished Gaza could learn a bit from them when it comes to customer service. They master public relations also, something that Gaza doesn’t master at all.

Every Palestinian will tell you: "we don’t live in Palestine, Palestine lives in us". Palestine is inherent. But Egypt is inherent too in a way. It leaves things inside you when you leave it, a residue of pure passion and nostalgia. Palestine is my homeland that lives inside me, Egypt too left a print or an impression inside me.

Hate it or love it, hate to love it or love to hate it, you can't deny that Egypt is a country that has a large magnitude. The oldest and biggest civilization and the most interesting history. If you don’t feel a positive eeriness when you are in Egypt, I feel like you would be disrespecting the greatness of Egypt.

I miss Egypt so much. I can't wait to head back to Cairo this week, and I will do everything in my power to return to Zamalek neighborhood because I truly miss it. I hope I get to meet my friends there this time because last time I had no time to do that which left me depressed and left them sad.  

"Egypt is the mother of the world", an expression that is very correct. If you happened to be puzzled about why that might be, here is a few reasons: Egypt is the first country to use alphabets to write. Long texts were written in Egypt since the first intermediate period that is between the old and middle Kingdoms. In Egypt the first building using stones was built, that is the step pyramid in Sakara. The famous Pythagoras theory of a right angled triangle was used by the architect of Cheops at the ceilings of the funerary chamber at the Cheops pyramid more than 2 thousand years before Pythagoras was born.  Astronomy, chemistry, fine architecture, art, religion, jewelry, carpentry, mathematics, perfumes, needles for sewing, carving stones, first folding bed for camping - it belongs to Tut Ankh Amun-, first folding chair for the beach of the same King, first condom of him too, first paper to write that is the papyrus paper, first eye makeup, shaving tools, beds and chairs like modern ones, all these and more are Egyptian inventions.

I was asking myself If I was perplexed by a paradox of falling in love with Egypt while breathing Palestine. The answer was: NO. Palestine is my love and passion but Egypt is a country that I love and respect too. Nothing is wrong with that.

Dear Egypt, I am coming back soon. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you and your piquant taste.

Love,
Omar from Gaza

Friday, October 26, 2012

4m Gaza to NYC: 4m Gaza to Cairo & back

4m Gaza to NYC: 4m Gaza to Cairo & back

Pic taken at the hotel, showing Africa on the Globe


Gaza, October 26, hmmm where should I start from? Ok, so after losing any hope of doing my US Visa interview in Jerusalem due to Israeli hindrance I shifted all my efforts to Egypt. US Embassy in Egypt gave me an appointment on November 13th, which is 10 days after my assigned date of being in NYC. After emailing the US Embassy in Cairo expressing the urgency of having an appointment ASAP and attaching the UN invitation, I got an email from the embassy on the afternoon of October 18th saying I have a special appointment on October 21st.

I had only two days to fathom this. I headed to Cairo on October 20th and things were going relatively easy. We reached the Egyptian border very fast. Fewer than 20 persons were leaving Gaza that day so the border was empty until it was crowded by endless flocks of pilgrims heading to Mecca. My sister was the only female. We waited anxiously while I was watching nervously 90% of the guys being asked to head back to Gaza for not having a strong reason to reach Cairo. One of them had medical reports.

I thought my turn will come. I will be rejected and asked to head back home. But after hours and hours of waiting, I was asked to an interview with the Egyptian intelligence office at the Egyptian border. They were very respectful and cooperative. He let me through after he saw my UN invitation.

My journey to Cairo began with a long 5 hours ride from Egyptian Rafah to Cairo. It felt weird, overwhelming and I felt like a fish that is being taken out of water as the distance between us and Gaza grew.
I reached Cairo at night. We checked in at the hotel and I started getting nervous about my appointment at the US Embassy in Cairo the second day. 

I woke up early and head to the embassy 1 hour prior to my special appointment to find lines of people waiting entry to the embassy. I freaked out and nearly danced in the cab. I showed my email from the embassy saying I have a special appointment, the guards checked if my name is on a list they had, then motioned to me to enter after they found my name.

Security procedures were strict.  I had deodorant in my handbag and it kind of set the biggest alarm. I was asked to take it out and spray it on my hand. We then waited for a few minutes to check for any reactions on the skin, when nothing happened, I was granted entry. I went through all the regular routine, I waited for an hour and then my time came. I was asked to go to window 6. I went with a smile, I was being super polite but I was treated so poorly by a girl who had a constant frown on her face. She seemed like she hated her job, when I asked her, "Why are you upset and treating me with hatred?", she replied that she is just doing her job.

I didn’t have an original receipt of the paid Visa fees since Nusair (An amazing Egyptian brother and friend) did it to me and I had no time to go get it from him before I headed to the Embassy. I was asked to immediately leave and never come back before I get it. I asked her if there is someone else I can talk to, she talked to a lady on window 7 who claims to be the manager of the office. They were discussing my issue while laughing. Lady on window 7 said she is the manager and she cant do anything without the original receipt, a copy wont help.

"Look, we do our best to help "you" (people coming from Gaza) but we aren’t obliged to surpass common procedures for you. What goes on everyone, goes on you, you aren’t special. Go get the receipt then we can talk," lady on window 7 said in way that made me feel like she is superior while I am inferior just because I come from Gaza.

I left the embassy and headed to Nusair's house to get the original receipt then headed back to the embassy. It took two hours and I didn’t get to see Nusair after that. They made me go through everything once again and wait for more hours until I finally had my interview with the counselor after waiting, fixing every wrong thing you can ever happen and jumping every obstacle that was placed infront of me.

I decided not to judge the US Embassy in Cairo just because of an angry girl. Lady on window 7 was very sweet and friendly at the end. The consular was new and she was also very friendly and sweet. She chatted and asked questions to confirm the info on my US Visa application. The system went down a few times and many small but frustrating things happened but at the end I was approved. But the down side of being from Gaza is that you have to wait for a week or more to get the final approval. Then you will have to wait for another week or 10 days for the DHL delivery.

I told the consular that I cant afford all that time. I explained how important this is to me, my aim isn’t just to make to NYC for the UN media training, my aim is to give Gazan youth hope and motivation to follow their dreams no matter what obstacles they had to leap over. I wanted to show Gazans that nothing is impossible if you put your mind and heart into it. She sympathized and asked everybody if she could help, but she cant, it’s a common procedure.

I felt defeated. I tasted failure and desperation. I felt like I betrayed Gaza's youth. I headed back to the hotel and informed the UN about everything and told them that I will be heading home. They asked me to sit tight for an additional day so they can intervene.

I headed back to Gaza on October 25th after guarantees from the UN that everything will work out. But in reality, no one can guarantee anything. This is your life if you live in Gaza. You live in mere uncertainty, nothing is guaranteed even when they are guaranteed.
If you live in Gaza, your future is a mystery, tomorrow is a surprise, uncertainty is a lifestyle and guarantees are built on shaky grounds.

Due to Qatari Emir's visit, Rafah border closed on October 23rd so nobody crossed. Gazans piled up and hundreds of Gazans headed back home on the 24th. Myself and my sister were among them. It was so crowded. We were pushed, shoved, hit, smacked, spat on, stepped on, humiliated, tortured and subjected to endless hours of waiting and standing. At first I blamed Gazans for not being organized. Then, I blamed the Egyptian border patrol for not being organized or able to control all of us in a civilized way. Then, I discovered that the problem is in actually both parties. Egyptian patrol didn’t know how to handle us and actually treated us like a 2nd degree species and we didn’t help them or each other instead we made things more complicated by being selfish, inconsiderate and reckless.

I couldn’t feel any happier or exhausted when I entered Gaza. Now, I have to head back to Cairo in a few days and soon head to NYC although till this second I have no guarantees that it will happen in time.
I try to not take the easy road, ever, because taking the hard road always pays off. I am still fighting and I will keep fighting until I make this trip and prove to Gazans that we can break the siege and leave for better education\training no matter how impossible it may sounds.

Will I make it to NYC or not? We would know soon for sure. I have passed a long journey till now after all.

P.S. A looooooong individual blog post will soon be posted about "Egypt". I stayed there for a few days and saw so little but observed allot. My opinions and observations will come from a narrow point of view because I saw less than 1%  of Egypt but I definitely plan on visiting it again and again.
Yes, I miss Egypt but in Gaza I feel like I was home.

Love,
Omar from Gaza

Sunday, October 14, 2012

4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible




4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible




Gaza, October 14, I have been hesitating about writing this post or waiting. But I actually might not make it to NYC so I decided to write everything that happened to me since the 1st "4m Gaza 2 NYC" post, so you better buckle up because it’s a hell of a bumpy ride.

Hmmm I don’t even know from where to start. Ok, so after definite guarantees from a news agency in the West Bank that I wrote for, I decided to go ahead and apply through Jerusalem. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. In fact, many were commenting on how confident and assured I was. They made fun of my optimism but it didn’t affect me at all.

I sent all the required documents to the news agency and I had strong faith that I will DEFINITLEY get a permit to visit Jerusalem. After all, I am not affiliated with any Palestinian faction, I don’t have any security issues and I am a journalist. Many other Palestinians cross Erez, so why wouldn’t I cross to?
September and October were loaded with Jewish holidays so I collected some needed patience (You must know that patience isn’t one of my virtues) and waited with a smile. The number of people who thought I was crazy for applying through Jerusalem increased, but I didn’t care and I never lost confidence.

Ofcourse, during my waiting period, I skipped job interviews and cared less for any job opportunity since I will be leaving to NYC soon, or so I thought. I only went to an UNRWA job interview and I took the whole thing lightly although I did really good.

I let all my friends in Jerusalem know that I am coming soon. I wanted to meet them all and I was very excited that I will be visiting Jerusalem. Honestly, my excitement about Jerusalem topped my excitement for NYC. I would sleep and dream about walking in the streets of the old city and the alleys of Eastern Jerusalem and wake up the next day with a smile on my face.

I googled some amazing hotels in eastern Jerusalem, took addresses of some interesting places I want to visit and made a schedule that contains the names of places and people I wish to meet and see. It was crazy that I will have only two days but I was determined to make it work.

A few days ago I got a call. I was asked for an interview by Israeli authorities on Erez check point so they can determine whether I should be given permission or not (a permission to visit my own land, no comment). I kept an open mind until I learned that the interview was on October 22nd. I will not have any time for my interview in the US consulate in Jerusalem and will def. have no time to get to Cairo on time if I was ever granted the visa. And this interview won't guarantee me a permit.
So I quickly shifted all my plans and efforts to the US embassy in Cairo. I thought it will be just like the one in Jerusalem and boy I was very very very wrong.

Now I have a few days to finish the procedures of a new US visa application, pay again, schedule a meeting in US embassy in Cairo, get there to do it, wait and then make to NYC in time. You might think its possible, but trust me its not.

I decided to take today off to consider whether I wanna go through this anymore or not. I decided that I wont go down without a fight. Cairo sounds like a long shot but I am gonna do it even if I am gonna waste time, energy, nerves and money and even if I know that there is a 90% chance of failure. I am Palestinian, we never give up and we never go down without a fight.
The death of your dream\s is a price you have to pay for living in besieged Gaza. Its not your fault yet you have to pay the price anyway. But what I am trying to tell the world is: Living in Gaza doesn’t mean we are not allowed of having dreams and making those dreams come true. That is why I am not giving up no matter what.

I got an email with an important yet not final\guaranteed book offer but I couldn’t be happy about it because all I can think about now is whether I would be able to make it to NYC or not. I have seen support and I am very thankful but with all due respect to everyone no one feels what you are feeling or goes through what you are going through but you.

This is so major for me on so many levels. I try to explain it sometimes but I feel. This is linked to so many things that I will mention later but the most prominent issue that I see from everything I went thru lately is that: People in Gaza are humans too; they have the right to dream\travel without going through hell and back. Gazans get scholarships\training and many other offers to travel but they cant, they are trapped. Not only Erez is impossible and Rafah is hellish but also the battle of obtaining a visa is a crisis by its own self.
This inspired me to send this email to the US consulate in Jerusalem:

"Dear Sir\Madam,

I write you today hoping to have my voice heard. My permit to Jerusalem has been denied and I have only a week to get to Cairo, schedule an appointment and go through it. This means that there is a 90% chance that I will no longer be able to get a US visa. 

I applied for a US visa because I was invited by the UN for a media training. Only a few elite Palestinians are chosen each year and they chose me this year because they saw in me a prominent journalist, social media pioneer and a public figure from Gaza (per to what they said). New York has been the city of my dreams for a long long while because NYC is a dynamic, passionate yet serene city and we are very much alike. NYC is the city of dreamers and I am a dreamer.

But thanks to the fact that I live in besieged Gaza, this dream has ended before it even started. 

I hereby send you an urgent request to try to find a solution for the people from Gaza who wish to apply for a US visa because they were chosen for a scholarship, training, tour .... etc. Why dont the US consulate consider opening a representative office in Gaza? or maybe interview the people from Gaza through skype (which is a method used internationally and professionally).

Its devastating to struggle for a couple of months to make ur dream come true but its even more devastating to watch your dream die without being given a chance even. My dream and the dreams of many young people here in Gaza have died because of the hardships we go through to try to obtain an interview at a US consulate here or in Cairo and we failed for reasons that have nothing to do with us and that arent in our hands.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider my request. Atleast my dream wouldnt have died for no reason. You have the chance to help many people realize their dreams so please just consider discussing my suggestions. 

Just because we live in Gaza it doesnt mean we dont have the right of dreaming and realizing our dreams.

I have confidence in you. 

My best regards of gratitude, respect and hope.

Thanks."


I am waiting for their response. If they don’t respond, then I will start a petition.
We have the right to live, have equal rights, have dreams and be respected like everyone else and its about time we demand this.
I hope this sparks a change. If I got to NYC or not, atleast I would have made a change that will lead to facilitate a person's life in Gaza in his\her pursuit to make dreams come true.

Love,
Omar from BESIEGED Gaza.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

God in me VS. God in sky

God in me VS. God in sky




Gaza, September 30, At 5:30 am the sun starts weaving its rays around the velvety blue sky so slowly and carefully here in Gaza, light starts penetrating the world until it illuminate it. Usually, when I cant sleep at night and if I am nervous or going through something I turn to one of my house's windows to have a 101 conversation with god. I'm this kind of person who has long conversations with god and the spirits of dead people, I talk to my mom's and grandma's pictures whenever I miss them. Some think its crazy while others -like me- think that these conversations will be heard by god and\or the dead people we talk to.

My biggest relief comes when I open a window on a very cold wintery night and talk to god while the rain splashes on my face and the chilly wind penetrates my bones while its still dark outside and everybody is asleep but me and god. I become so honest, real and articulate. I bond with god and call me crazy but I feel like god hears me. I do it in summer also but I prefer it in winter.

Today isn’t a wintery day, but with all the craziness I am going through regarding where I stand in my life right now, I felt like I needed a conversation with god. I needed this conversation so bad especially after the endless nervousness regarding the US visa procedures and my trip to NEW YORK. For others, it might be just a trip or just a UN media training or an experience or a break or their own interpretation of such a trip. For me, the case is very very very different.

I have obsessed about New York after watching allot of good, bad and horrendous American shows of all kinds. After reading about New York, I felt like I relate to this city in allot of ways. New York has many sides: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and numerous other shades and faces. I have many sides too. New York is dynamic and artistic and I am dynamic and artistic in my own way. For me, New York is a dream-come-true of a city that dreams come true in. And I want to go there so bad. New York is the city of dreamers and I have big dreams.

After I left MSF, I landed many job interviews. Some I liked and others I disliked and decided to run in the opposite direction before\if things progressed. During September, I felt like time is passing by so slowly, but now that we are one step shy of October I feel like time is flying by so rapidly. It's crazy, I know, but it just shows you how crazy my life is right now. What if I get a good job offer right now? What will a job offer that will make me say no to New York look like? Should I say no to all job offers if I really want New York? Do I want New York more than landing a good job here in Gaza? Are five weeks worth turning job offers down? Should I just boycott all job interviews and offers for NYC's sake? What if don’t make it to NYC? And a thousand other depressing question that I overwhelm myself with during this dramatic period of my life.

While others are taking it easy, I am freaking out. UN sent us the housing options that turned out to be only one housing option which is a box-sized room in YMCA Manhattan. The location is VERY strategic but the place is horrible for me. Unfortunately, I am not this kind of person who doesn’t mind sleeping on somebody's floor and showering in public bathrooms.

I am comfortable with who I am but I wouldn’t deny that I wish I was this kind of person. Staying at a room that fits only for a small bed and sharing a bathroom with 30 other rooms for me is simply UNACCEPTABLE. Call me a brat, call me privileged, call me soft skinned, call me sissy or call me whatever you like I don’t care. I wouldn’t live properly if I didn’t stay at a place that had a good-sized bedroom with your own private bathroom. And in case you don’t know this: Prices of places to stay at in Manhattan ARE RIDICULOUSLY high. So that adds to my dilemma. I wasn’t expecting the UN to place us at the trump tower but I didn’t see that YMCA place coming either. So, I will keep searching till I find something affordable and comfortable at the same time. Wish me luck please.

And an epiphany that I went through this morning was: I am still not over my grandmother's death. Ok, by now you are confused and wondering why the hell are you reading this depressing and confusing blog post!!!! I agree with you LOL I am wondering the same thing. I strayed away from the main issue.

So after feeling all of what you just read above, I needed to resort to god and have a good conversation with him.  I went to every window on every side of my house in Gaza, but all windows were blocked. I can no longer see the sky from any window of my house due to the magnitude of the construction work that has been done around us and infront of us and behind us and on every side and…. .

It just hit me that I can no longer communicate with god from any window of my house. I got sad and angry. I know god is inside of us and we don’t need to look at the sky to talk to him. I know that we can see god in the pedals of a flower, in the stream of flowing water, in birds and animals and basically in everything that he created. But just like sometimes we seek people's recognition of how good we are, although we know we are damn good, I needed to look at the sky when I talk to god today because I needed to feel his presence so I can feel good and bathe in relief. I always talk to the voice of god in me but sometimes I just need to be vulnerable enough to look at the sky above and just vent out to god.

I thought of going downstairs but I decided not to. Because I would not be able to have a loud and verbal conversation with god unless I don’t mind sending the neighbors a message of how crazy I am, and I do. And because its school time and many children will be crowding the whole area walking their way to school.

While I was writing this blog post, I was sitting on my bed and it was nearly 7 am. I thought of taking a break but I was worried about the daily power outage that might happen any second now and till this second I don’t know if I would be able to publish this post or complete it now. I looked out of the opened window, and to my surprise, from my current eye-level there is a small space of sky visible and its all what I need.

I thought I wont be able to talk to god anymore and look up to the sky while doing it. Apparently I still can. Maybe not for long, but for now I still can. And its enough, so I call for celebration.

Ok, I don’t know why I felt like sharing this lame blog post with you all. I just did. Please don’t hate me if I wasted your time and I promise that I am not always that silly or lame SO PLEASE COME BACK AND CHECK MY BLOG FREQUENTLY AND DON’T RUN AWAY.

I wish you all a happy day wherever you are and I decided to send a prayer for every person struggling in this world today, wherever he\she is, and whatever he\she might be going through. We are all connected, we are all one. May we all live in peace, love and harmony. May we all exude, share, live, give, appreciate and seek happiness.

Love,

Omar from Gaza

Monday, September 17, 2012

UPDATE: Killers of Vittorio Arrigoni prosecuted

UPDATE: Killers of Vittorio Arrigoni prosecuted 


Gaza, September 17th, Military Court in Gaza sentenced today four Palestinians accused of killing Italian activist Vittorio Arrigoni to hard labor and prison. Sentences came after holding more than twenty court sessions in the presence of an Italian lawyer assigned by Vik's family.

The court sentenced two defendants to life in prison, "Mahmoud Salfiti" and "Amer Al hasasna", on charges of kidnapping and murder.
Court also ruled the imprisonment of Khader Jerim sentenced to ten years in prison for participating in the kidnapping and imprisonment of fourth defendant, Amer Abu Ghoula, to one year in prison on charges of harboring the kidnappers.

Arrigoni, 36, Italian peace activist, worked with the Pro-Palestinian ISM (International Solidarity Movement), was murdered in April of 2011, hours after he was abducted by gunmen in Gaza.

For his part, the Palestinian Center for Human Rights said that Arrigoni family sent an official letter to the court requesting the non-recourse to the death penalty against the accused as provided by the Palestinian Penal Code.

Khalil Shaheen, a member of the center, said in a press statement that the trial was transparent.

Vittorio wrote a book called "Stay Human" which touched his life and work in Gaza.

To read more about Vittorio's abduction, murder, work and Gaza's reaction towards his murder, Please check previous posts:




http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/from-gaza-to-vittorio-with-love.html


Omar