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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

UN Palestinian statehood bid: Gaza has no saying

Whether you are with or against UN statehood bid, if you live in Gaza you are asked to shut up

Gaza, September 21, So, what do you think about the awaited UN Palestinian statehood bid? OH SHUT UP. I don’t care what you really think. How would you feel if someone did this to you? Well, let me tell you it truly sucks. I have been doing my homework for days reading the opposing and supporting opinion of the UN statehood bid. I read every point: 194, right of return, Palestinian lands, borders, Palestinian prisoners, war crimes and so much more. I read so many opinions and so many debates whether with or against this UN statehood bid. Just when I was getting ready to write a new blog post discussing those issues and these points, Hamas issued a statement declaring their prevention to any events or rallies relating to UN statehood bid whether supporting or opposing.

So, all my hard work goes in vain. Apparently, Gaza’s opinion isn’t important. So we should remain silent, stay at home, watch the news on TV and just feel nothing???? How can I remain silent? How can I stop myself from rallying or hitting the streets? And why should Gaza be always oppressed?

Why do Gazan youth have to always turn to social network and blogging instead of hitting the streets freely and express their opinions and voice?

I saw the West Bank on the news today. Huge numbers of Palestinians rallying in the streets defying the Israeli occupation forces to express their opinions freely. They weren’t asked to shut and feel nothing like us in Gaza. How cant I be jealous? How cant I feel less Palestinian when I watch my fellow Palestinians challenging the Israeli forces in the West Bank to have their voice heard?

I felt ashamed. I felt less Palestinian. I felt frustrated and outraged. I felt numb. Israeli siege makes things hard enough and now its harder because I felt like I am separated from the West Bank even more. I felt like Gaza isn’t a part of Palestine.

I can hide inside my house and record a video saying my opinion, or maybe turn to social media and blogging, or call a friend and discuss this with him\her but nothing feels like being free enough to hit the street and SHOUT your opinion and rant out loud with no fear or Oppression.

How will I stop feeling ashamed and coward and be able to hit the streets after this bid fails or succeeds? ONLY IF we were allowed to even do that. I failed myself and my country today and I don’t feel like I deserve to share my opinion or even track the bid’s coverage or participate in it.

I am sorry Palestine. I am sorry I was asked to shut up and remain silent. I am sorry I have to stand still and say nothing while you go through a historical momentum. I am sorry I cant hit the streets and shout your name out loud. I am sorry that Gaza doesn’t seem like a part of you. I am sorry Fatah and Hamas havent reconciled yet. I am sorry we aren’t one. I am sorry we aren’t all of us in this together. I am sorry that it doesn’t matter whether I am with or against this bid. I am truly sorry Palestine.

So I am doing what I was told to do. I am shutting up and remaining silent. Don’t ask me if I am with or against because it doesn’t matter what I think or want. I will do my best to feel numb. I will do my best to forgive myself for not being able to be a part of this historical momentum that will make a difference for my country and my people whether it succeeds or fails.

I always felt proud that I live in Gaza, always felt Palestinian more than any other Palestinian. Today, I feel different. I am ashamed. I wish I was living in the West Bank or any other country. I would have been able to speak out loud of what I think.

I love you Palestine. I hope you forgive me one day and I hope I can forgive myself also.

Follow my silence on twitter: @Omar_Gaza