Between Freedom & Emancipation: I found myself

Between Freedom & Emancipation: I found myself

Gaza, Ever thought about Freedom? Silly question, I know for sure that indeed you thought about it allot, but what I meant is: Have you ever looked the meaning up in the dictionary and thought about it? As you can see in the picture above, “Freedom” has several meanings. But in my personal opinion, Freedom is a feeling that only you can interpret in your own way and words. Which definition suits you from the above picture? I chose one, I will come back to it later.

As a Palestinian, I was born to seek freedom. But also as a human I was born with a thirst for freedom. Its not just about indulging in a free independent country, no, its also about setting yourself and humanity free then using this freedom to fight cruelty, poverty, inhumanity, war crimes…..etc.

Gaza is the biggest open air prison that earth has ever known, these aren’t just words, I live in Gaza, I live in that prison. Waking up every day in a besieged big open-air prison isn’t easy, thirst for freedom elevates every second and it turns into a pressure or a duty or a must or maybe all three together. I never felt unsafe in Gaza, but I never felt safe either. I never felt free but god knows that I tried so hard to find white canvases to paint freedom on, believing that freedom can be found in little details and can be sparked within little steps.

My daily routine consists of power outages, Israeli warplanes either bombing or violating the sanctity of Gaza’s sky or both, water shortages, daily news of Israel’s violation of human rights in Palestine, Palestinian prisoners on hunger strike, Fatah-Hamas division, news about Syria, Egypt and the world.

Then I traveled to the US. I lived in Manhattan for a month, I was always busy with UN media training and discovering every place I can. Suddenly, my body gets accustomed to a whole new system. Suddenly, every pressure is lifted. Suddenly, I feel like a normal human being who is living in a familiar easy place. Suddenly, I think I feel a certain definition of the word “Freedom”, I feel “improper familiarity”. Why do I feel this sensation of improper familiarity? Because I am not designed to feel like a normal human being. HELLO, I am Palestinian and I live in Gaza, if that doesn’t scream “abnormal”, I don’t know what does. And I shouldn’t feel any familiar to a place other than my homeland, especially if it’s the US which has a government that is supporting the occupation of my homeland.

I also felt guilty, I felt like I am betraying Gaza. Hell, I felt like I am betraying Palestine, all Palestinians and the Palestinian cause. How can I forget everything and just dare to feel free while my country is still occupied and my home is still besieged? HOW?

What felt like a sweet moment quickly turned into bitterness and guilt.

But “Freedom” is overpowering, let it not kid or fool you. Freedom is indeed dangerous. I couldn’t stop it or help it, I was feeling “FREE” and I felt fear clenching over my heart and taking over my body.

What happens after I go back to Gaza? Will I crave this rare sensation? Will I seek it out of Gaza instead of needing it for and in Palestine? What if I feel free out of Palestine and never in Palestine? What if freedom out of Palestine becomes a goal instead of seeking freedom inside and for Palestine? What if feeling free out of Palestine becomes a comfort zone and I end up forgetting about freeing my country?

I got confused, then angry, then frustrated and I nearly cried in the middle of a street in Manhattan’s upper east side. Yet, I kept walking.

 I felt the most free when I was alone walking around New York. I will never ever forgot the first moment of recognizing a weird sensation that was running slowly but majorly through my blood. I was walking aimlessly through the streets of Manhattan, losing track of time\place\directions. It was a Saturday and I had nothing to hold me down, I knew I would end up getting back home if I get lost anyway, so I just kept walking with nothing on my mind.

I reached a corner and was about to cross to the other side of the street, not caring where it leads me, then I stopped. Time stopped, I froze. I felt no pressure or stress, no worries or cares. I felt free. I could go wherever I want, do whatever I may and no matter what I will get back home safely at the end of the day. Is that freedom? Or is it emancipation? Or maybe both? Or I simply might be losing my mind.

I continued walking. It was a very cold but sunny day. I had my headphones in my ears, some music was jamming and I just smiled. I had many mixed emotions but I decided to confront them later.

I went to bed that day knowing that eventually I will have to face the inevitable. I need to figure out what happened with me that day and how and why I felt what I felt. I looked the word “Emancipation” up online to see if I felt any literal meanings of it. I gave up but then I came across the medical meaning of it, shown in the picture below.

Yes, that was me, I was the original homogeneous embryo. I gradually separated my mindset from Gaza and I found myself entering new fields with potential of development known as “New York”. I felt worse. I don’t want to separate gradually from Palestine and Gaza. I want to remain a loyal concerned original homogeneous embryo. I was confused, and I thought I have lost my mind already.

I found myself between “Freedom” and “Emancipation”, I found my home between them. I might feel the same feelings in other countries and cities around the world but none of them will resonate until I feel them in my own homeland (Palestine). So I had to accept how good those feelings felt and yet remind myself that I need to keep seeking freedom for my country until I feel those same exact feelings in my own homeland.

We are all born free until something or someone tries to oppress us. We are willing to spend our lifetime seeking freedom and even risk losing it for the sake of freedom.

So until Palestine is free, I won’t rest. I might travel, take breaks and cherish instantaneous freedom but I won’t give up, hopefully. My thoughts also are with Syria, Egypt and all oppressed nations around the world.

Love, peace, humanity and hugs,

Omar from Gaza

Teaser: 4m Gaza 2 the US & back

Teaser: 4m Gaza 2 the US & back

Gaza, January 2, Happy new year peeps everywhere. I will write something about the new year soon, I promise. Let me also apologize for abandoning my blog for this long but I had an intense couple of months. I am a person of details, I like to observe and notice the littlest things so I took my time to absorb everything I saw and process it rather than writing about it immediately.

2012 was about to be the best year in my life, but my grandmother’s death affected that. Yet, I can’t deny that it was one of the best. I started it by making a dream come true and work at Doctors without Borders – France, and ended it by making another dream come true by visiting New York, the city of my dreams.

Ofcourse, and as I mentioned before and about to mention briefly now, as a Palestinian you will be exposed to all kinds of interrogations and obstacles whether on Rafah border, at Cairo airport and at JFK airport. But I was determined to make it happen and god stood by my side and all the prayers that everyone was generous enough to send my way actually worked and I found myself at the exit door of JFK airport in Queens, NYC.

Its weird how familiar and easy I felt as soon as I step foot in New York. I felt like I know it by heart. Its like my system immediately upgraded to “NYC MODE”. I don’t know if the fact that we are all under the same sky wherever we are helped, or simply because I knew New York before I visited it made things seem so familiar.

During my UN media training in New York, we worked hard and whatever time we had left we decided to explore the big apple. I rarely had time to write and even when I did, I couldn’t, because I wasn’t in a place where I processed things like they should be processed and talked about. So I decided to wait till I come back.

My trip wasn’t normal at all. The night that I arrived to New York, we went directly to Time Square and witnessed the results of the American Elections being announced live there. Obama won, I had mixed feelings. We visited places that not many people get to visit like: The White House, The Congress, U.S. Department of State, numerous organizations of all kinds and many historical places.

Israel’s second war on Gaza broke while I was in Washington and this changed everything. I didn’t sleep for days and was always in direct contact with family and friends in Gaza. I participated in protests against the Israeli aggression on Gaza and was featured on many media venues to talk about it and about being in America while my family are under danger in Gaza.

We had the honor of experience firsthand the “International Day of Solidarity with Palestine” and be an insider, this day also happened to be the day of Palestine’s UN recognition, whatever that means or makes you feel. We were inside the General Assembly. We met world leaders, President Abbas and his gang, Roger Waters of Pink Floyd and many other personalities that day. This alone, was a historical day that marked our trip.

I did my best to explore New York as much as I can. I walked like I never walked before in my life. I tried to live every experience possible. I was very lucky and smart in getting cabs and figuring out which ones are available and which ones are not. I tried different cuisines from around the world and managed to see many of NYC’s landmarks.

Ofcourse, my average intelligence will make me split my American experience into two or three blog posts instead of one huge boring post. So consider this as a teaser ;)

I still owe you, my dear readers, new blog posts about: New Year of 2013 and the highlights of 2012 and the parts of my American experience so hold this against me if I didn’t write them.

I hope you all had a splendid New Year’s eve and may we all have a great year and become better persons. Make sure you take time to think about others this year as you think about yourself.

I will leave you with this weird sensation that I felt on a cold but sunny day in New York. It was a Saturday, one of the rare weekends that we get to be free all day. I cleaned, did the laundry and despite my sickness I decided to leave my apartment (in the heart of Manhattan’s upper east side, NYC) and explore my outstanding block.

I left the building. I started walking aimlessly around my block. I walked and walked and walked. It was cold yet the sun was warming me up and making me smile. I lost track of time and directions. I didn’t care. I walked without a certain address, without fear, without any care for time or any worries. I was alone and lost in the streets of New York and suddenly I was overwhelmed by a shower of weird tickling sensation. My mind was screaming: “OMG, I FEEL FREE”. I paused. I had my headphones on listening to music, but occasionally I would take them off to listen to the surroundings.

I stopped in the middle of the street, and wondered, is this what freedom feels like?

I was puzzled. Freedom is a broad conception and be interpreted in a million way. I know that there is a definition for the word “Freedom” but I believe that in reality you can’t define freedom because everyone has his own take at explaining it.

I was gifted a book called “The Stranger”, written by Albert Camus, originally in French and known as “L’etanger” but then got translated by many. The version that I read was translated by Mathew Ward. I will need a whole blog post to share my input and review of the book but there was a sentence that took me aback because I felt that exact feeling. The writer captures a certain moment when the main Character “Meursault”, thinks about Freedom and remembers feeling it when he was alone wandering around in strange streets and wonders if that is “Freedom”.

I never thought that freedom can hold such simple meanings and can be felt at such eccentric little moments. I think this is one of our main problems in life, we always tend to rush so we can keep up with the bigger picture while we ignore the little details that might turn out to be keys that unlock many mysterious questions.

How do you define freedom? And Have you ever felt “Free” in awkward little moments and felt taken aback by it?

Best wishes,

Omar from Gaza

4m Gaza to NYC: 4m Gaza to Cairo & back

4m Gaza to NYC: 4m Gaza to Cairo & back

Pic taken at the hotel, showing Africa on the Globe

Gaza, October 26, hmmm where should I start from? Ok, so after losing any hope of doing my US Visa interview in Jerusalem due to Israeli hindrance I shifted all my efforts to Egypt. US Embassy in Egypt gave me an appointment on November 13^th, which is 10 days after my assigned date of being in NYC. After emailing the US Embassy in Cairo expressing the urgency of having an appointment ASAP and attaching the UN invitation, I got an email from the embassy on the afternoon of October 18^th saying I have a special appointment on October 21^st.

I had only two days to fathom this. I headed to Cairo on October 20^th and things were going relatively easy. We reached the Egyptian border very fast. Fewer than 20 persons were leaving Gaza that day so the border was empty until it was crowded by endless flocks of pilgrims heading to Mecca. My sister was the only female. We waited anxiously while I was watching nervously 90% of the guys being asked to head back to Gaza for not having a strong reason to reach Cairo. One of them had medical reports.

I thought my turn will come. I will be rejected and asked to head back home. But after hours and hours of waiting, I was asked to an interview with the Egyptian intelligence office at the Egyptian border. They were very respectful and cooperative. He let me through after he saw my UN invitation.

My journey to Cairo began with a long 5 hours ride from Egyptian Rafah to Cairo. It felt weird, overwhelming and I felt like a fish that is being taken out of water as the distance between us and Gaza grew.

I reached Cairo at night. We checked in at the hotel and I started getting nervous about my appointment at the US Embassy in Cairo the second day. 

I woke up early and head to the embassy 1 hour prior to my special appointment to find lines of people waiting entry to the embassy. I freaked out and nearly danced in the cab. I showed my email from the embassy saying I have a special appointment, the guards checked if my name is on a list they had, then motioned to me to enter after they found my name.

Security procedures were strict.  I had deodorant in my handbag and it kind of set the biggest alarm. I was asked to take it out and spray it on my hand. We then waited for a few minutes to check for any reactions on the skin, when nothing happened, I was granted entry. I went through all the regular routine, I waited for an hour and then my time came. I was asked to go to window 6. I went with a smile, I was being super polite but I was treated so poorly by a girl who had a constant frown on her face. She seemed like she hated her job, when I asked her, "Why are you upset and treating me with hatred?", she replied that she is just doing her job.

I didn’t have an original receipt of the paid Visa fees since Nusair (An amazing Egyptian brother and friend) did it to me and I had no time to go get it from him before I headed to the Embassy. I was asked to immediately leave and never come back before I get it. I asked her if there is someone else I can talk to, she talked to a lady on window 7 who claims to be the manager of the office. They were discussing my issue while laughing. Lady on window 7 said she is the manager and she cant do anything without the original receipt, a copy wont help.

"Look, we do our best to help "you" (people coming from Gaza) but we aren’t obliged to surpass common procedures for you. What goes on everyone, goes on you, you aren’t special. Go get the receipt then we can talk," lady on window 7 said in way that made me feel like she is superior while I am inferior just because I come from Gaza.

I left the embassy and headed to Nusair's house to get the original receipt then headed back to the embassy. It took two hours and I didn’t get to see Nusair after that. They made me go through everything once again and wait for more hours until I finally had my interview with the counselor after waiting, fixing every wrong thing you can ever happen and jumping every obstacle that was placed infront of me.

I decided not to judge the US Embassy in Cairo just because of an angry girl. Lady on window 7 was very sweet and friendly at the end. The consular was new and she was also very friendly and sweet. She chatted and asked questions to confirm the info on my US Visa application. The system went down a few times and many small but frustrating things happened but at the end I was approved. But the down side of being from Gaza is that you have to wait for a week or more to get the final approval. Then you will have to wait for another week or 10 days for the DHL delivery.

I told the consular that I cant afford all that time. I explained how important this is to me, my aim isn’t just to make to NYC for the UN media training, my aim is to give Gazan youth hope and motivation to follow their dreams no matter what obstacles they had to leap over. I wanted to show Gazans that nothing is impossible if you put your mind and heart into it. She sympathized and asked everybody if she could help, but she cant, it’s a common procedure.

I felt defeated. I tasted failure and desperation. I felt like I betrayed Gaza's youth. I headed back to the hotel and informed the UN about everything and told them that I will be heading home. They asked me to sit tight for an additional day so they can intervene.

I headed back to Gaza on October 25^th after guarantees from the UN that everything will work out. But in reality, no one can guarantee anything. This is your life if you live in Gaza. You live in mere uncertainty, nothing is guaranteed even when they are guaranteed.

If you live in Gaza, your future is a mystery, tomorrow is a surprise, uncertainty is a lifestyle and guarantees are built on shaky grounds.

Due to Qatari Emir's visit, Rafah border closed on October 23^rd so nobody crossed. Gazans piled up and hundreds of Gazans headed back home on the 24^th. Myself and my sister were among them. It was so crowded. We were pushed, shoved, hit, smacked, spat on, stepped on, humiliated, tortured and subjected to endless hours of waiting and standing. At first I blamed Gazans for not being organized. Then, I blamed the Egyptian border patrol for not being organized or able to control all of us in a civilized way. Then, I discovered that the problem is in actually both parties. Egyptian patrol didn’t know how to handle us and actually treated us like a 2^nd degree species and we didn’t help them or each other instead we made things more complicated by being selfish, inconsiderate and reckless.

I couldn’t feel any happier or exhausted when I entered Gaza. Now, I have to head back to Cairo in a few days and soon head to NYC although till this second I have no guarantees that it will happen in time.

I try to not take the easy road, ever, because taking the hard road always pays off. I am still fighting and I will keep fighting until I make this trip and prove to Gazans that we can break the siege and leave for better education\training no matter how impossible it may sounds.

Will I make it to NYC or not? We would know soon for sure. I have passed a long journey till now after all.

P.S. A looooooong individual blog post will soon be posted about "Egypt". I stayed there for a few days and saw so little but observed allot. My opinions and observations will come from a narrow point of view because I saw less than 1%  of Egypt but I definitely plan on visiting it again and again.

Yes, I miss Egypt but in Gaza I feel like I was home.

Love,

Omar from Gaza

4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible

4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible

Gaza, October 14, I have been hesitating about writing this post or waiting. But I actually might not make it to NYC so I decided to write everything that happened to me since the 1^st "4m Gaza 2 NYC" post, so you better buckle up because it’s a hell of a bumpy ride.

Hmmm I don’t even know from where to start. Ok, so after definite guarantees from a news agency in the West Bank that I wrote for, I decided to go ahead and apply through Jerusalem. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. In fact, many were commenting on how confident and assured I was. They made fun of my optimism but it didn’t affect me at all.

I sent all the required documents to the news agency and I had strong faith that I will DEFINITLEY get a permit to visit Jerusalem. After all, I am not affiliated with any Palestinian faction, I don’t have any security issues and I am a journalist. Many other Palestinians cross Erez, so why wouldn’t I cross to?

September and October were loaded with Jewish holidays so I collected some needed patience (You must know that patience isn’t one of my virtues) and waited with a smile. The number of people who thought I was crazy for applying through Jerusalem increased, but I didn’t care and I never lost confidence.

Ofcourse, during my waiting period, I skipped job interviews and cared less for any job opportunity since I will be leaving to NYC soon, or so I thought. I only went to an UNRWA job interview and I took the whole thing lightly although I did really good.

I let all my friends in Jerusalem know that I am coming soon. I wanted to meet them all and I was very excited that I will be visiting Jerusalem. Honestly, my excitement about Jerusalem topped my excitement for NYC. I would sleep and dream about walking in the streets of the old city and the alleys of Eastern Jerusalem and wake up the next day with a smile on my face.

I googled some amazing hotels in eastern Jerusalem, took addresses of some interesting places I want to visit and made a schedule that contains the names of places and people I wish to meet and see. It was crazy that I will have only two days but I was determined to make it work.

A few days ago I got a call. I was asked for an interview by Israeli authorities on Erez check point so they can determine whether I should be given permission or not (a permission to visit my own land, no comment). I kept an open mind until I learned that the interview was on October 22^nd. I will not have any time for my interview in the US consulate in Jerusalem and will def. have no time to get to Cairo on time if I was ever granted the visa. And this interview won't guarantee me a permit.

So I quickly shifted all my plans and efforts to the US embassy in Cairo. I thought it will be just like the one in Jerusalem and boy I was very very very wrong.

Now I have a few days to finish the procedures of a new US visa application, pay again, schedule a meeting in US embassy in Cairo, get there to do it, wait and then make to NYC in time. You might think its possible, but trust me its not.

I decided to take today off to consider whether I wanna go through this anymore or not. I decided that I wont go down without a fight. Cairo sounds like a long shot but I am gonna do it even if I am gonna waste time, energy, nerves and money and even if I know that there is a 90% chance of failure. I am Palestinian, we never give up and we never go down without a fight.

The death of your dream\s is a price you have to pay for living in besieged Gaza. Its not your fault yet you have to pay the price anyway. But what I am trying to tell the world is: Living in Gaza doesn’t mean we are not allowed of having dreams and making those dreams come true. That is why I am not giving up no matter what.

I got an email with an important yet not final\guaranteed book offer but I couldn’t be happy about it because all I can think about now is whether I would be able to make it to NYC or not. I have seen support and I am very thankful but with all due respect to everyone no one feels what you are feeling or goes through what you are going through but you.

This is so major for me on so many levels. I try to explain it sometimes but I feel. This is linked to so many things that I will mention later but the most prominent issue that I see from everything I went thru lately is that: People in Gaza are humans too; they have the right to dream\travel without going through hell and back. Gazans get scholarships\training and many other offers to travel but they cant, they are trapped. Not only Erez is impossible and Rafah is hellish but also the battle of obtaining a visa is a crisis by its own self.

This inspired me to send this email to the US consulate in Jerusalem:

"Dear Sir\Madam,

I write you today hoping to have my voice heard. My permit to Jerusalem has been denied and I have only a week to get to Cairo, schedule an appointment and go through it. This means that there is a 90% chance that I will no longer be able to get a US visa. 

I applied for a US visa because I was invited by the UN for a media training. Only a few elite Palestinians are chosen each year and they chose me this year because they saw in me a prominent journalist, social media pioneer and a public figure from Gaza (per to what they said). New York has been the city of my dreams for a long long while because NYC is a dynamic, passionate yet serene city and we are very much alike. NYC is the city of dreamers and I am a dreamer.

But thanks to the fact that I live in besieged Gaza, this dream has ended before it even started. 

I hereby send you an urgent request to try to find a solution for the people from Gaza who wish to apply for a US visa because they were chosen for a scholarship, training, tour .... etc. Why dont the US consulate consider opening a representative office in Gaza? or maybe interview the people from Gaza through skype (which is a method used internationally and professionally).

Its devastating to struggle for a couple of months to make ur dream come true but its even more devastating to watch your dream die without being given a chance even. My dream and the dreams of many young people here in Gaza have died because of the hardships we go through to try to obtain an interview at a US consulate here or in Cairo and we failed for reasons that have nothing to do with us and that arent in our hands.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider my request. Atleast my dream wouldnt have died for no reason. You have the chance to help many people realize their dreams so please just consider discussing my suggestions. 

Just because we live in Gaza it doesnt mean we dont have the right of dreaming and realizing our dreams.

I have confidence in you. 

My best regards of gratitude, respect and hope.

Thanks."

I am waiting for their response. If they don’t respond, then I will start a petition.

We have the right to live, have equal rights, have dreams and be respected like everyone else and its about time we demand this.

I hope this sparks a change. If I got to NYC or not, atleast I would have made a change that will lead to facilitate a person's life in Gaza in his\her pursuit to make dreams come true.

Love,

Omar from BESIEGED Gaza.

God in me VS. God in sky

God in me VS. God in sky

Gaza, September 30, At 5:30 am the sun starts weaving its rays around the velvety blue sky so slowly and carefully here in Gaza, light starts penetrating the world until it illuminate it. Usually, when I cant sleep at night and if I am nervous or going through something I turn to one of my house's windows to have a 101 conversation with god. I'm this kind of person who has long conversations with god and the spirits of dead people, I talk to my mom's and grandma's pictures whenever I miss them. Some think its crazy while others -like me- think that these conversations will be heard by god and\or the dead people we talk to.

My biggest relief comes when I open a window on a very cold wintery night and talk to god while the rain splashes on my face and the chilly wind penetrates my bones while its still dark outside and everybody is asleep but me and god. I become so honest, real and articulate. I bond with god and call me crazy but I feel like god hears me. I do it in summer also but I prefer it in winter.

Today isn’t a wintery day, but with all the craziness I am going through regarding where I stand in my life right now, I felt like I needed a conversation with god. I needed this conversation so bad especially after the endless nervousness regarding the US visa procedures and my trip to NEW YORK. For others, it might be just a trip or just a UN media training or an experience or a break or their own interpretation of such a trip. For me, the case is very very very different.

I have obsessed about New York after watching allot of good, bad and horrendous American shows of all kinds. After reading about New York, I felt like I relate to this city in allot of ways. New York has many sides: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and numerous other shades and faces. I have many sides too. New York is dynamic and artistic and I am dynamic and artistic in my own way. For me, New York is a dream-come-true of a city that dreams come true in. And I want to go there so bad. New York is the city of dreamers and I have big dreams.

After I left MSF, I landed many job interviews. Some I liked and others I disliked and decided to run in the opposite direction before\if things progressed. During September, I felt like time is passing by so slowly, but now that we are one step shy of October I feel like time is flying by so rapidly. It's crazy, I know, but it just shows you how crazy my life is right now. What if I get a good job offer right now? What will a job offer that will make me say no to New York look like? Should I say no to all job offers if I really want New York? Do I want New York more than landing a good job here in Gaza? Are five weeks worth turning job offers down? Should I just boycott all job interviews and offers for NYC's sake? What if don’t make it to NYC? And a thousand other depressing question that I overwhelm myself with during this dramatic period of my life.

While others are taking it easy, I am freaking out. UN sent us the housing options that turned out to be only one housing option which is a box-sized room in YMCA Manhattan. The location is VERY strategic but the place is horrible for me. Unfortunately, I am not this kind of person who doesn’t mind sleeping on somebody's floor and showering in public bathrooms.

I am comfortable with who I am but I wouldn’t deny that I wish I was this kind of person. Staying at a room that fits only for a small bed and sharing a bathroom with 30 other rooms for me is simply UNACCEPTABLE. Call me a brat, call me privileged, call me soft skinned, call me sissy or call me whatever you like I don’t care. I wouldn’t live properly if I didn’t stay at a place that had a good-sized bedroom with your own private bathroom. And in case you don’t know this: Prices of places to stay at in Manhattan ARE RIDICULOUSLY high. So that adds to my dilemma. I wasn’t expecting the UN to place us at the trump tower but I didn’t see that YMCA place coming either. So, I will keep searching till I find something affordable and comfortable at the same time. Wish me luck please.

And an epiphany that I went through this morning was: I am still not over my grandmother's death. Ok, by now you are confused and wondering why the hell are you reading this depressing and confusing blog post!!!! I agree with you LOL I am wondering the same thing. I strayed away from the main issue.

So after feeling all of what you just read above, I needed to resort to god and have a good conversation with him.  I went to every window on every side of my house in Gaza, but all windows were blocked. I can no longer see the sky from any window of my house due to the magnitude of the construction work that has been done around us and infront of us and behind us and on every side and…. .

It just hit me that I can no longer communicate with god from any window of my house. I got sad and angry. I know god is inside of us and we don’t need to look at the sky to talk to him. I know that we can see god in the pedals of a flower, in the stream of flowing water, in birds and animals and basically in everything that he created. But just like sometimes we seek people's recognition of how good we are, although we know we are damn good, I needed to look at the sky when I talk to god today because I needed to feel his presence so I can feel good and bathe in relief. I always talk to the voice of god in me but sometimes I just need to be vulnerable enough to look at the sky above and just vent out to god.

I thought of going downstairs but I decided not to. Because I would not be able to have a loud and verbal conversation with god unless I don’t mind sending the neighbors a message of how crazy I am, and I do. And because its school time and many children will be crowding the whole area walking their way to school.

While I was writing this blog post, I was sitting on my bed and it was nearly 7 am. I thought of taking a break but I was worried about the daily power outage that might happen any second now and till this second I don’t know if I would be able to publish this post or complete it now. I looked out of the opened window, and to my surprise, from my current eye-level there is a small space of sky visible and its all what I need.

I thought I wont be able to talk to god anymore and look up to the sky while doing it. Apparently I still can. Maybe not for long, but for now I still can. And its enough, so I call for celebration.

Ok, I don’t know why I felt like sharing this lame blog post with you all. I just did. Please don’t hate me if I wasted your time and I promise that I am not always that silly or lame SO PLEASE COME BACK AND CHECK MY BLOG FREQUENTLY AND DON’T RUN AWAY.

I wish you all a happy day wherever you are and I decided to send a prayer for every person struggling in this world today, wherever he\she is, and whatever he\she might be going through. We are all connected, we are all one. May we all live in peace, love and harmony. May we all exude, share, live, give, appreciate and seek happiness.

Love,

Omar from Gaza

From Gaza to New York – Phase 1: Survival

 From Gaza to New York – Phase 1: Survival

When you usually ask people about their hobbies many of them will mention traveling. I don’t blame them, who wouldn’t enjoy traveling the world and exploring new cultures? I know I would. But if you live in Gaza, traveling can never be your hobby unless you want to kid yourself.

I was shortlisted, chosen and invited by the UN (United Nation) Headquarters in New York for media training. The Palestine, Decolonization and Human Rights Section,

UN Department of Public Information, usually invites Palestinian media practitioners every year for 5 weeks of media training.

I feel like the timing of this is perfect. 2012 has been an overwhelming year, allot of good and bad, but I did achieve allot. I am among the top 5 rankings of the 100 most influential Palestinians in Social media next to names like: Mourid Al Barghouti, Ali Abu Nimah and many other awesome Palestinian public figures. Its surreal and humbling but most of all it gives you reassurance that you have a voice and you are on the right path in getting it heard.

Ofcourse, I was ecstatic. I have been craving New York for nearly a year now and I cant stop saying how much I want to visit it, then the UN training came and actually offered me the chance of making my New York dream come true.

So if you were NOT Palestinian and NOT living in Gaza: All you have to do is visit the nearest US consulate, fill the visa application then head to the airport on the day of the assigned travelling trip. But gladly, I am Palestinian and I do live in Gaza. 

So my anticipated trip to New York is divided into a number of phases. Phase 1 is all about survival. Taking it one step at a time but having a nervous breakdown every day. UN provides everything but the US visa, obtaining the visa is our responsibility and I am sure you know how hard obtaining the US visa is.

First, you have to choose between applying for the visa through Jerusalem or Cairo. Its like choosing between dying by a lethal injection or dying by an electric chair. If you choose Jerusalem: It will be hard or even impossible to get an Israeli permit, even if you do, you won't guarantee passing Erez checkpoint (linking between Gaza and the West Bank) peacefully. And you cant guarantee that the Israeli authorities will issue the permit before your actual appointment.

If you choose Cairo: You are risking losing so much time and spending so much effort. You would have to go through Rafah border a couple of times to reach Cairo and apply for the visa and wait for your appointment or maybe head back Gaza and visit Cairo again when the appointment time comes if there is too much time in between. You cant guarantee the always-closed Rafah border, you cant guarantee reaching Cairo and you cant guarantee managing to head back in time for your appointment.

The good news is: Even if you went through all that, you cant guarantee actually obtaining the visa. Good news? Who said good news? I think my dark humor is kicking in.

Say you obtained the visa by a miracle, YOU ARE NOT OVER YET. You still have to cross Rafah border, and what do you know about Rafah border? Aside from the endless hours of waiting on the Egyptian side for no legitimate reason, and aside from all the humiliation you will be showered by the Egyptian border soldiers, you might not be able to guarantee your entry to Egypt and catching your plane on time. Or they might simply ask you to turn back and go home without giving any explanations.

While people worry about going shopping before they travel, we worry about making constant traveling arrangements to guarantee that we actually reach New York.

Whenever I get nervous about the border, the airplane trip, reaching New York, the UN training, thinking about possible futuristic inner conflicts about staying there or coming back, I just stop and remind myself: "Omar, you still haven’t finished your visa application and even when you do you might not be able to attend the appointment, and even if you do you might not get the visa". So, I calm down again for a few seconds and promise myself to take things slower but then I go to being nervous a little afterwards.

This is the price you have to pay when you live in Gaza, a besieged impoverished costal enclave that is smothered by Israel and Egypt is there to tighten Israel's grip. Nothing is guaranteed. Instead of daydreaming, shopping and planning, you just sit and wait and contemplate and wish and hope and work and push and try and apply and ask and…… .

You will have only the last minute to worry about shopping, obtaining international health insurance, packing and all these stuff.

Stay tuned for Phase 2: THE VISA SAGA….. If and whenever that happens.

Love, support, peace, humanity, equality and hugs (and kisses don’t hurt),

Omar from Gaza