Storm vs. Porn Star

Storm vs. Porn Star

Gaza, January, Perhaps its easier to always blame our failures on others instead of having the guts to be self-critics. It’s easier to live on the faded glory of history and pretend like it still gets us high even when it doesn’t. Even drugs don’t last that long. Yes, we once were a glorious nation in the past. We changed and inspired the world. We set example and we had everything rolling for us as an Arab nation. But that was so long ago that it’s time to wake up and face our fears and flops if we ever dream of shining again or even rising.

But I guess we are busy blowing up lame issues out of proportions and being consumed by mainstream media and\or by the highly demanding world we live in. we forgot our humanity, our duties and also the history that we will only bring up to sooth our rapid decline downwards. Or shall I say the rock bottoms that we keep hitting as a nation?

Between a shivering storm alerting an alarming climate change, and the storm we help create surrounding an Arab-American, we lost focus.

Storm:

Let me start by saying this: Who the hell suggested we start calling storms by “Arabic” names and why? I just don’t get it. Why would you want to make sure to call a catastrophic storm an Arabic name? have we gone bankrupt in the department of creativity that our only way to revive the Arabic culture by naming storms “Huda” and “Zeina”? if that doesn’t raise a red flag about us needing a wakeup call then honestly I don’t know what will.

I remember how we would laugh whenever we would read about “Climate Change”, like it will never happen to us or in our time. I watched Al Gore’s documentary about it and I understood how the climate is changing dramatically (to the worse) each year. Summers are becoming hotter and winters are becoming way colder. Temperature has went down to 1 degrees Celsius in Gaza, which never happened before. Who knows what will happen to the world’s climate in a few years!

A very harsh cold storm hit the Arab world bringing snow, lethal coldness, trouble and tragedy. It snowed in many places, and rain did its part in places that saw no snow. As usual, the refugees paid the biggest price, along with the homeless and displaced. Syrian and Palestinian refugees lost children who died out of harsh coldness simply because a tent and a blanket cant keep you warm in such icy conditions. Children also died in Gaza after being displaced due to the latest Israeli barbaric war that caused a huge loss in people, buildings and everything else.

I felt guilty because I had a roof over my head and blankets while others are dying. I felt helpless. But also felt rage and disappointment in our Arabic nation, and in myself. Instead of wasting millions on Fireworks, Christmas decorations, mansions and other ridiculous things that the Arab world is so proud and showy about, we would have managed to help protect the refugees and displaced from this blind and harsh storm.

Arabic countries, leaders, embassies and people (including me) failed those refugees and left them to freeze to death. We call ourselves a nation, but do we really care about each other?

I would loved to have seen Churches, mosques, embassies, leaders and us the people open our arms and try to accommodate those displaced, if only through this storm. But excuses always stand in our way. Like myself for example, I resorted to prayers and asking others to pray or help while I was helplessly sitting in my own home. Sure, yes, I told myself that we had no electricity or heating, the weather outside is lethal and catastrophic that no one could leave the house. But its all excuses. We should have tried to do more. I tell myself before I preach anyone else. We failed each other and its becoming “OK” when it shouldn’t be that way. We are mastering ways to mask compassion and humanity with excuses. We, all, could have joined efforts to help save those refugees everywhere. But we didn’t. So tell me, what kind of nation are we now? Because we are no longer representing our honorable history. If anything, we are smearing it.

Porn Star:

Mia Khalife. A trending hashtag and the talk of the town. A Lebanese-American young girl who became a porn star only recently. Yet, thanks to us Arabs, and our endless contradictions, we helped turn her into the “Best Female Porn Star” of the year and the hottest discussed topic. Instead of dealing with serious issues, we go on and waste our energy on commenting or rejecting an issue that shouldn’t even concern us.

Who cares what Mia Khalife does or thinks? I don’t. She doesn’t represent Arabs or Lebanese people or Christians. We are asking the world not to label us and narrow us down by linking Islam to two stupid guys who attacked Charlie Hebdo. Yet, we focus on Mia Khalife and hold her responsible for smearing Arabs and attacking Islam. REALLY? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE? HOW COME?

We are the ones who turned her into a superstar and gave her actions importance. Like those who commented on her wearing Hijab in her porn videos. How did you know that? And why did you watch her? I bet 90% of those who attacked her watched all her videos and got her the highest ranking. Congratulations for being a bunch of idiots. All of us.

She took the Arab media by storm overshadowing the deadly storm that was killing refugees. People rushed to comment and hashtag her on all social media bringing her into a global trending hashtag. Do you think she really cares about what you think? She doesn’t even care what her parents think. So save your energy and invest it elsewhere.

I am not defending nor attacking Mia. I honestly don’t care what she does or who she is or the low hits she takes at Islam. She is after all trying to gain the utmost publicity and money. And Islam is a religion and a faith that can’t be touched by Mia or people like her, its not that vulnerable.

My reoccurring question would be: When will we wake up and start focusing on critical issues instead of wasting time on mundane matters? When will we stop contradicting ourselves and actions? And when will we face our flops in order to advance as a nation?

Lets mind our own business so we can move forward and stop wasting our time judging others and analyzing them.



From Gaza with a boggled mind,
Omar Ghraieb

Gaza: Dont hit her

Gaza: Don’t hit her

Gaza, December, We grow up being lectured about courage and taking risks and how exhilarating it is. They make it sound like the right thing to do. Until we become adults and we start getting lectured about not taking risks and hearing pro-cowardice sayings like this Arabic one that says: “Cowardice makes two thirds of manhood”, meaning: “When shit hits the fan, RUN”.

“Manhood” and many other terms are being deformed recently in the Arabic region and also the world, but I will come to that later on in future posts.

I saw a man in the street, exiting his house, arguing with his wife then BAM. He smacked her across the face. It was like a scene from a movie. She held her face and started crying, he had visible signs of anguish on his face, they both saw me standing there, and I myself was frozen. Stunned, perplexed, speechless and thinking.

Gaza is like most Arab countries\cities. A little society that is conservative and mainly fueled by traditions. Old, very old ones, that are usually confused with religious rituals. Long story short, if you are a smart person and you saw what I saw, DO NOT INTERFERE between a wife and her man. Just walk away. Unfortunately, I am not smart enough when it comes to domestic violence or violence against women. I was never beaten up as a child and never saw my family or friends use violence against women or each other so I refuse all kinds of violence.

I thought to myself: “So whats the worst case scenario Omar “The Hero of Stupidity”? You say something to the man and you end up getting into a fight which might turn ugly since he can call on his sons and neighborhood backup males. I would appear wrong for interfering and get beaten up. Or he would be a gentleman and just give me a black eye. Or he might listen to me (Ha Yeah right)”. So I decided whatever the outcome is, I am going for it. I would rather get beaten up than feel bad about not saying anything. (Don’t judge, I said I am not smart enough)

I found myself uttering: DO NOT HIT HER, AGAIN”. And hell opened. I distracted him from her but now he got all angry, red faced, cursing me loudly and heading towards me. “Don’t flinch or move a muscle, treat him like you learned how to act around a deadly snake”, I said to myself.

He came and stood right in my face, screaming and spitting. I acted cold and calm as quiet ice (quiet ice? Whatever). 

“Uncle, I am not trying to interfere. You are a respectable man and your wife is a good woman, you don’t want people to misjudge you. Consider me your son”, I said impressing myself but he wasn’t impressed. “You are not my fucking son”, he spat. I knew this means trouble.

I saw his wife making signs to me from behind telling me to stop this and just leave. He saw her. She then told me she doesn’t need my help, she loves her husband, its ok if he hits her and begged me to leave.

The man started going back and forth. Furious. Brushing his hair. I think he was considering his next move. So I jumped in quickly telling him I don’t judge him and I will not tell anyone but its obvious how much he loves his wife and that hitting women isn’t cool. Then I regretted saying “cool”. Like he would care about what’s cool and what isn’t.

To my surprise, he invited me to his house. I thought of politely declining. I knew it has to mean that I am either gonna get killed or kidnapped or beaten. But then he looked into my eyes and suddenly I trusted him. (Again, I am sometimes idiotic, don’t judge). Besides, we live in the same neighborhood, its not like my family wont figure it out and claim my body. (I hope they do)

He asked me all the formal questions, told me he knew my dad (Phew maybe a good sign) and begged me not to call the police or report him to anyone. I said I wouldn’t. But I got scared because it felt like I will end up sympathizing with him and that’s bad. Then I will start finding excuses for him and for every other man who lays a hand on a female.

We started discussing the environment the person grows up in, how he is raised, what he witnesses and ofcourse how occupation ruins everything. I usually get irritated of how much we try to blame occupation sometimes for things that we should blame upon ourselves. But this time he was right. As a dad of 7 children, he witnessed all Intifadas and wars. He is trying hard to make a living, fighting Gaza’s impossible living conditions and yet didnt lose his mind.

He is double my age now, 54, he was my age when the first Intifada happened. He was happily married with one child. He had so many dreams and ambitions then it got all screwed and ruined. Since then, his life has been one big ugly rollercoaster and his main goal is to constantly have food on the table to feed his kids. And education, it’s a very important thing for him to educate his chilldren since he holds a Bachelor’s degree. He worked pretty much in everything. He is responsible for a number of families including his own, his married son, his dead brother’s family and his dad. His brother was shot during the first Intifada. Too much mouths to feed, as he said it.

His wife loves him to death. So on the day this incident happened, the man was sick and his wife was trying to bring him back inside telling him he should rest and she will go out try to make a living. She admits: “He smacks me sometimes, but out of love”. He looked like a tortured soul, a man who endured hell and yet still tries to keep standing and make a living. Still, I reminded myself, whatever the situation is: IT IS WRONG TO HIT A WOMAN.

He told me that his grandson was sick and he couldn’t skip work. He needed to work so he could afford taking him to the doctor. And he wouldn’t let his wife work. “My son graduated a few years ago, he is my eldest, he tries to work, but as you see Gaza is the spring of unemployment”, he said while his eyes turned red. “Do you believe that I hold a Bachelor’s degree? Yes. Me. Yet, I have to work in anything I can find just to keep everyone going. Its exhausting and humiliating but its worth it. And I will never humiliate my wife or let her go and beg for work”, he chocked as tears rolled slowly down his eyes. I couldn’t help but shed a tear as well. But his wife broke down and hugged him. I felt weird. I looked like a foreign journalist who is there to interview them or write their story. 

Weird enough, he asked me if I was a journalist or foreign. I said I am Palestinian and I haven’t written in a while and I don’t use people for stories unless they let me or ask me to share.

They insisted I stay for lunch but it was too awkward so I made up an excuse and left. But before that, I talked to him about domestic violence and hitting women. I tried not to sound like a lecturer but I did. “You need to understand uncle, hitting women isn’t right no matter what excuse you tell yourself. I will not ask you to go the gym to release negative energy, just walk it out or read Quran if you are too tired to walk or just sleep it off. Anything but hitting women. I know it anguishes you and it hurts your wife so why not just stop it?”, I said embarrassingly.

“I never laid a hand on my daughters. But sometimes I get angry, I don’t do drugs like other men here, I have a family to feed, I need to be sober and save money. I need a release or I will die. My wife is a good woman, she tolerates me and I swear I don’t smack her hard. I suspect my son is doing the same with his wife and I feel guilty.”, he said while looking down. I was saddened but understanding. He clearly appears like he wouldn’t do anything to his sons in law if they hit his daughters, he will feel like a hypocrite. That’s just wrong.

Before I could respond, his wife hurried to chip in. “Yes, it hurts more mentally than physically, I feel humiliated but at the same time I feel like as a good wife I need to help him get a release. Or he will die. So I let him hit me and promise myself to stop him next time. I never did. I love him too much. I overcome my shame and pain and anger for him. But inside, we both know its wrong. Atleast he never hit me infront of the children, right?”, she asked me. I didn’t answer because she knew the answer and wasn’t herself convinced that it was “right”.

He promised me never to hit her again. He realized its wrong. But I didn’t believe him, he knew it was wrong all along but did it anyway. She promised me she will stop him if he did it again, but we both knew it will never happen. 

I left feeling overwhelmed, thinking about children who see their dads hit their moms and how they follow the same pattern. Wondering why women are considered second class citizens in their own home? Why do we tolerate that? Why do we shove it under the rug and act like our societies are strong and religious?

I still see him around sometimes. He waves his hand to me and all I can think of is the memory of waving his hand to land on his wife's face. He smiles, but I cant smile back.

I faced the sad truth. Arab women are oppressed, degraded, abused and underestimated.

Ofcourse, many Arab women broke the cycle and soared to success. They fought against all odds, although it shouldn’t be so hard for them to become achievers. In Gaza too, many women revolted against traditions and violence and oppression. They became a beckon of inspiration, hope and success. Yet, many others are still suffering, still being hit, still being degraded and still being forced to shut up about it or lose their house, family, kids or even life.

Unlike the western world thinks, Islam honored women and actually emphasized on their rights more than men’s rights. Women should enjoy equality and all kinds of freedoms, including the freedom of choice. 

Women aren’t only our moms, sisters, wives and daughters. They are our friends, colleagues and peers too. I see men here go from opening the car door for their wives to being there for them and helping them succeed. Some men here even stay with the kids or work under their wives to make sure their business grow. And so many other sweet stuff. Unfortunately, those are the exception to the rule, and not the rule itself.

Its nearly 2015, and you still hear about so many cases of honor killing and beating up women in the Arab region and the world. Its not acceptable one bit. And this global new trend of promoting sexual violence claiming women love that, its beyond disgusting and sick.

If you think hitting women makes you a better man, you are wrong. Manhood is about respecting women and treating them right, not the opposite. Don’t make excuses up.

Your action shouldn’t just stop at not hitting women. It should extend to reach much higher actions like standing against domestic violence and violence against women. Your duty is not only to stop yourself from laying a hand on a woman, but stopping from doing it too.

Be strong by protecting women, not hitting them.

From Gaza with love,

Omar Ghraieb