The Art of "Soul Mating"

The Art of "Soul Mating"

Gaza, January, We grow up with preconceived notions about many definitions in life. But most of us reach a phase in life where we start asking big questions and resorting to spirituality in order to help us make sense of the life we are living in such a rapidly interchangeable world. 

As you start looking inwards and unfolding your layers, you embark on a very exciting yet frightening journey of discovery and soul searching. You come face to face with your ego and if you break it then you will meet your soul and although you had it since you were born, you feel like you are getting to know it all over again. Then we start wondering about soul mates and soul mating.

The official technical definition of a soulmate is a human with whom you share a natural and profound affinity with, invincible kinship of spirit and mutual attraction (not necessarily physical or sexual). That definition is very accurate, but not until you feel it and go through it you are able to come up with your own understanding and definition of what a soulmate is or means. At first, it feels like you are heavily drawn to someone in a way that you cant explain, then this dilemma explains everything. Life is weird, isn’t it?

Many thinkers, philosophers, writers, gurus and others delved into the state of having\finding a soul mate and shared their own point of view about it. Paulo Coelho, for example, wrote in “Brida” saying that only a few people can recognize their soulmates by seeing a light in their eyes or on their left shoulder. I agree on the eyes part, the eyes are the window to the soul. But you can’t expect from all the people to see “light”.

My personal belief is that we are all but shreds or shards of the same soul. We are taught that we have only one half and one soulmate. I beg to differ. I believe we have many soul mates and we all are like puzzle pieces. If we are all combined in the right way, we make one soul. One entity.

I am no spiritual guru, I don’t go into deep meditations and I haven’t seen any other worlds. Atleast not yet. But I believe there are many ways to spot your soulmate, some of which I don’t know yet some I do know about. Ofcourse, you can spot them threw recognizing a light in their eyes or an aura around them. But the most effective and powerful way is the heart.

Whether you physically meet a soulmate or not, your heart connects with their heart. It might be someone of the same gender or opposite gender. It might include physical attraction and it might not. What is guaranteed that you will bask in unconditional love that enhances every corner of your being, it rids you of all the negativity and complexity of the “ego and it helps you become more you.

Your soulmate isn’t necessarily your spouse or relative or best friend. And yes you have a number of soulmates, but you are lucky if you find one. It can be rough at first, like two puzzle pieces that go together but the sharp edges are in grave need of adjusting. So do have patience. Nothing in life is ever easy.

The beauty of a soulmate is how solid and real the connection becomes. Sex or no sex, it doesn’t matter. It won’t make it stronger or weaker. All shades of blue are blue in the end.  And perhaps the strongest perks of a soul mate is the drama/jealousy-free dynamic. How can you be jealous of your ownself? Or have drama issues with yourself?

Silence will only make sense with your soulmate. You don’t need words to understand each other although communication is key, especially at the early stages of coming across each other. And the uniqueness stands in being so close to each other yet you know when exactly to give each other space. Think of it as commitment but without any chains. Can you imagine it?

We spend our lives searching for love and happiness. And even if we do, we always feel like there is something missing. Only your soulmate can complete you. You might be happily married, massively successful or simply a fully grounded human but you will never feel fulfillment until you meet a soul that you click with and suddenly everything around will start making sense.

A soulmate exists to take you higher and helps you experience emotional nirvana and an exceptional peace of mind. There are certain feelings and places that only a soulmate can take you to and make you feel. Whether its euphoria, a profound sense of security, infinite serenity, perfect companionship, unconditional love, maximum level of honesty and continuous support or simply a better sense of “Self”.

A soulmate is merely a different version of you that exists to complete you. Together you are better and apart you are simply incomplete. You are not afraid to have a conversation and you are never worried of losing them or yourself. It’s like the perfect key to a lock that opens a whole new dimension of everything. An enhancement to your senses and to the experience of “life”.

Some are lucky enough to marry their soulmates or find them in their relatives or immediate family members. But others have to search the world for them and find them in the utmost unusual and unexpected places\situations.

That sounds very good, right? Well, only if you embrace it or understand it. Unfortunately, its not like that for everybody. Some sift through life without recognizing or finding even one soulmate. While some others get frightened and run away. Some don’t understand and others prefer to stay away from its complexity, they have no idea what they are missing. Most think they are obliged to fall in love or have a sexual relationship with their soulmates, which is very wrong.

Even if you were married or in love and you came across a soulmate, that doesn’t mean betrayal or a change of heart. If you think of a soul mate as a love interest or sexual object only then you are missing the whole concept of it. A soul mate transcends beyond sexuality and love, it’s something more, much much more. A soul mate is like your spiritual compass in life.

Soulmate or not, I hope we live our lives being always consciously alerted. Have your heart opened and lean on it for insight, don’t just count on your eyes. Be kind, and kinder. Be tolerant. We can’t accept ourselves fully unless we have the ability to accept others the way they are. Being you doesn’t mean being against others. We are all one. Be brave, embrace life and others. Don’t give in to the confinements of society or people or to the ugliness of your ego. Be the soul mate you dream of finding in others. Be strong enough to recognize and embrace others, but also love yourself in a healthy way and lean on yourself.

Love, live and let live.



From Gaza with love, light and inner peace,

Omar Ghraieb

Sex: Don't let words deceive you

Sex: Don't let words deceive you

Gaza, December, I am not known for choosing controversial headlines to spark traffic or discussions, not that is a bad thing. But perhaps I needed to start this post by a reminder to myself and to you all: Don’t be deceived by headlines, words, covers and\or preconceived notions.

It’s always better to dig a little deeper. I know that sometimes we end up discovering a rock after digging up hard, but sometimes we come across a diamond while excavating. I don’t know about you, but personally I think that risk is worth the effort. You will either find a diamond or find the truth. Arent they both worth the digging?

By sex here I mean gender. Males and Females, and everything that falls in between. I am not here to lecture you in science or repeat historical theories and findings about males and females and the endless yet limited differences between them. I am here to talk about a whole different dimension.

I wish it stops at education and science, when it comes to learning about males and females, but it doesn’t. Everywhere around the world, whatever the diverse culture is, we are all raised on pre-defined notions and definitions. Whether its related to morals, or religion, or traditions, or terms or even the simple meaning of things. We are grown to absorb everything as it was decided by others. And we are told that asking questions is bad, it might even label you as an outcast or a rebel.

We become adults based on very old stereotypical definitions that were passed through generations without any effort of thinking things over or adding value to those terms. I am not talking about “modernizing things”, I am just saying that we were given a brain for a reason. Therefore, we should use it and learn that it is ok to challenge old or new meanings. We will either be convinced that they are right\enough, or maybe add to them or change them.

Nobody can define love in a specific way, or success. Love is said to be so many things. Some say it’s a feeling, others say it’s a state while its also said to be a chemical or scientific process. Success too. How can you define it? Is it having allot of money? Or being happy at what you do? Or is it being famous? Or have allot of following? Or maybe all the above? Who knows. And why should we know? Why do we have a hunger to define things and pass them on as the “right definition”?

In different cultures around the world, including the Arab world, we are brought up to believe that men don’t cry, men are indestructible and super strong. Males are raised to become emotionless Hercules who will be judged upon and measured by how much money they make and how many girls they toy with.

Yet, men are expected to be religious and well mannered. Exceptional husbands, amazing fathers, great brothers, obedient sons and good friends. They are expected to remember birthdays and show emotions and really care. But how? And what emotions? If they are raised to be heartless and strong?

Females are raised up to be weak and soft. “The weaker you are, the more men you attract”, and then she falls in love with someone who tells her she is too weak and breaks her heart. Women are told to be stupid, because if they are smarter and more successful  (and they usually are) then men will feel threatened and run away. Women are expected to be a superwoman who happens to be a great wife, marvelous mother, tender sister, obedient daughter and a true friend. She is asked to “find a balance” and “juggle everything at the same time”. She is expected to be the first in her class, yet act dumb. She is expected to soar for success yet let the man feel like he has the superior upper hand. She is expected to be amazing at work and home. She should raise kids, cook, clean, be the perfect maid and yet take care of herself for her husband while she studies and works and does a million thing at once.

But how? And why do you expect her to be strong when she is raised to be weak? How will she believe in herself when she is told she is dumb and must always submit to men? How can she be confident when she is degraded to feel like a maid in her own house?

Men are not brought up to respect the sacredness of marriage. In most cultures, men aren’t shamed for infidelity. And women are raised up to be in competition with each other, not in work or education, but in getting men. So its ok for men to dive into betrayal and infidelity yet they are grilled for it. What do you expect from them when they are raised to fall into such patterns?

Women are raised to be emotional yet oppress their feelings. “Don’t challenge your man, don’t speak about your feelings, don’t complain …..etc” and the list of “Don’ts” continues. Women are told that divorce is shameful and a disaster and that they are too weak to handle it. Yet, they are blamed for staying with abusive or womanizing men. And women are asked to never discuss sex with their own husbands, its an indicator of bad upbringing yet its ok to talk about it with her mother and girlfriends. How do you expect women to be strong and stand up for themselves if they are raised to be mute obedient maids?

And let’s not forget the old tale of all times: “Men are breadwinners, their duty as fathers and husbands is to put food on the table”. Then we blame men for being unfit fathers who don’t help their wives with anything. 

“Women are the center of the house, you are expected to do anything and everything and never ever complain or ask for help”. Then we blame women for being too weak and handling too much and neglecting themselves and not caring for their husbands.

Gladly, we reached an era where we are aware and educated enough to use the unlimited resources we have to questions things and redefine concepts that perhaps we feel like we need to make better. We are no angels and I know no matter how hard we try not to judge, we end up judging. Fine, judge people and things but do go a step further to explore whether your judgment is right or wrong. At the end of the day, you are not god and you are not always right.

We always try to grow as humans, which is necessary and good. But we should also care about the growth of the surrounding environment and the society you live in. Otherwise, your growth will feel minimal. Yes, you need to start within but do aspire to external and widespread change after you start with yourself. And think, by questioning and challenging preconceived constants, you might be paving the way for a healthier better generation.

Writing and reading are therapeutic. I hope you don’t consider my writing as lecturing or telling you what to do. It’s more like sharing my personal intimate thoughts so I could grow with you. We all have our trials and tribulations. Instead of judging each other and growing apart, I believe we should help each other and grow closer. Our time has many advantages but also one of the downfalls is that we are becoming lonely by isolating ourselves by relying too much on technology.

Life is tough, and a constant learning experience. But its limitless too so never stop using your brain or advancing because nothing is impossible and trust me, you are definitely not alone, even though it feels like it most of the time. So let’s get it together.

From Gaza with love,

Omar Ghraieb