Confessions of an Exhausted Palestinian: Mahatma Gandhi or Kim Kardashian?

Confessions of an Exhausted Palestinian: Mahatma Gandhi or Kim Kardashian?

P.S. Before you read à in this blog post: I am not generalizing, I am not talking about all Palestinians and pro-Palestinians and I am not talking about those who did everything I am about to mention. I am talking about people who misuse and abuse Palestine. Who am I to judge you ask? You are right, I am not entitled to judge anyone, I am just sharing my own observations, NOT MY JUDGEMENTS.

Gaza, April 19, I have been silent for a while but I guess its time I break my silence and let everything out. I am exhausted of being a Palestinian who is living in Gaza. I live with two contradicting attractions inside of me that represent an inner struggle, I belong to this land but I feel like a stranger at the same time. I refuse to lose my entity to blend in. Yet, being who I am and living in Gaza is very exhausting.

I see Palestine as a woman who is being raped by many people and many countries, all wishing to take control of this steadfastness that is represented by an authentic soil that has an indestructible soul. Some (I am being polite here, I really wanted to write many instead of some) Palestinians inside Palestine, in the Diaspora and pro-Palestinians use Palestine in one way or another.

Palestinians inside, in the Diaspora and pro-Palestinians use Palestine in monetizing sympathy or turning this sympathy into forms of materialism or delusion such as: 

1.       Using Palestine, Palestinian children and\or anything related to Palestine to collect donations that end up used to fund a laptop or iPhone instead of saving a life or aiding the needy.

2.       Allure desperate pro-Palestinian old\young females and deceive them by the sweetness of fake love that ends up ending after getting money or a visa or anything beneficial.

3.       Collecting visas and funded trips around the world.

4.       Fake heroism.

5.       Becoming a Journalist or a photojournalist (even if they didn’t major in it or have no experience in it).

6.       Collecting international and Arab girlfriends in all countries.

7.       Assigning themselves as the representatives of Palestine, youth and\or anything related to Palestine.

8.       Collecting donations in the name of Palestine but in reality they fund a personal life, wedding, trips, personal businesses….etc.

9.       To meet foreigners à International people who stand in solidarity with Palestine.

10.   Shouting for the right of return but in reality THEY WILL NEVER RENOUNCE THEIR FOREIGN CITIZENSHIP AND LEAVE THEIR LIVES TO COME BACK TO PALESTINE.

11.   Found orgs and associations in the name of Palestine.

12.   Seek fame.

13.   Make Palestine their life “temporarily” until they find\seek one.

14.   Focus on the big picture ignoring the living conditions inside of Palestine simply because they have no idea how it goes, since they live abroad.

15.   Loving Palestine because of a person –Which usually ends when this dalliance ends- or loving a Palestinian because of Palestine which turns out to be a delusional dalliance too.

This is very unfortunate. Isnt it enough that Israel wants every bit of Palestine? Isn’t it enough that Arabs are doing nothing to free Palestine? Isn’t it enough that Palestinians are divided? Isn’t it enough that the world remains silent when it comes to Palestine? NOPE. Not enough. People want to squeeze their share out of Palestine and use it in their own twisted way.

I wonder what Palestine did to deserve all this harshness, cruelty and exploitation.

I also feel how shameful these acts are when it comes to genuine people (like Palestinians inside and out, Arabs and internationals) who sacrificed their lives to do something for poor Palestine. What will you tell Rachel Corrie who sacrificed her life by defying a bulldozer in Rafah? How would you describe your ugly acts for Tom Hurndall who sacrificed his life saving Palestinian children in Gaza? How would you describe your evil intentions to Vittorio Arrigoni who lived for Gaza, breathed Gaza and was killed in Gaza because of his genuine endless love and devotion for Gaza?

Will you be able to face Dalal Maghrabi? Or Hana Shalabi? Or Khader Adnan? Or the thousands and thousands of Palestinian martyrs who lost their lives because they Palestinians? Or those children who became disabled because of being bombed by Israel for being Palestinians? Or the students who have to pass endless checkpoints and the Apartheid wall to go to school? Or the mothers of martyrs? Or the families who lost everything because they are Palestinians who love their land? Or Jerusalemites who lost and still losing their homes after being confiscated by Israel for “Judaisation reasons”? or the Palestinian and pro-Palestinian activists who get beaten up and bullied after being called “Anti-Semites”?

I am not perfect either, I am also ashamed of myself because I havent done much for Palestine. But I recognize that I am not a hero, I don’t seek fame and I will never ever be able to face any of the people that I previously mentioned because they did allot for Palestine while I struggle to do something for my country.

They say: “If you cant beat them, join them” and if you want to blend in then change your colors. I refuse to join them or change my colors for anyone no matter what.

I am torn. I want to stay in Palestine but I will never be able to join or blend in. Not because all Palestinians are bad, simply because I am different. People in Gaza aren’t ready for a change, but I yearn for a positive change. I believe in the butterfly effect and when I said that out loud here I was called “crazy”, “a dreamer” and “strange”. I have big dreams for Palestine that maybe not many might agree with, cheer on or understand. 

I am not into the system of how things flow here, which automatically makes me a person who is defying the flow. I might be wrong, I might be right; I just want to be me. Palestinians in Gaza always look at me in disbelief whenever I say I am a Palestinian who lives in Gaza, they keep begging to differ. They will always see me as a “foreigner” or “Lebanese” or “Syrian” or “American” or “Irish” or “West Banker or just a “Stranger” who isn’t trying hard enough to fit in, and these are only a few of the things that I have been called. Note that: I have the Palestinian passport, ID and NATIONALITY which –for them- isn’t enough just because I am a red head, I have an American accent and my Arabic is in Lebanese\Syrian dialect.

If I go out, I will turn into those hot-blooded Palestinians who say “Palestine” in every sentence no matter how irrelevant it was to the subject. I will get homesick because of my strong belonging and attachment to Palestine. I will feel guilty because I am not inside Palestine stirring a change or helping my people. I will become distant and I might end up being a true “stranger”. I will be pressured by westerns to fit in, and pressured by Palestinians to remain authentic. I will be called “Anti-Semite” by some and a “Fake Palestinian by others.

Some assure me that I can do allot for Palestine by living outside of Palestine, while others encourage me to stay in Palestine because Palestine needs us, but what do I want? I simply don’t know. I know that I want to write books, magazines, and poetry but saying that will lead me to a question that I will ask myself before you ask it to me: Doesn’t that mean you are seeking fame and using Palestine? I don’t know, but what I know is that I want to write about the beauty and pain of Palestine as I see\saw and my own experience while living in it and also write about life, not to be famous, but to reach people’s hearts and minds. Feel free to believe or curse me.

I still don’t know whether I should stay in Palestine or leave. Should I keep fighting or change strategies or simply give up? Should I follow the principles of Mahatma Gandhi and dedicate my life to humanity and Palestine or follow the mantra of Kim Kardashian and just live my life doing nothing but enjoying fake fame, or should I find a middle ground? Black, white or grey? Who am I to say?

Between Gaza, siege, apartheid wall, The West Bank, divided Palestine, martyrs, Israel’s constant violations of human rights, no rights of free movement, living in the biggest open air prison, having dreams that penetrate this earth reaching all the way to the whole universe, loving my country, belonging to Palestine, fitting-in issues, the BDS movement, dreams of better education, dreams of a better Palestine, dreams of a better life, dreams of unity, craving to stir and lead a positive revolutionary change in Palestine, helping my people, bombing, Israel’s illegal detention and settlements, the roams if Israeli F16s, the vast variety of Israel’s kinds of bombardment, psychological war, mental pressures, Hamas and Fatah, leaving or staying and a thousand other things: I feel lost and emotionally anguished.

Forgive me Palestine, for I have not found the best way to serve you and I got lost\confused because I don’t want to end up harming you instead of helping you.

P.S. Forgive my writing style, this wasn’t and will not be edited. This blog post is the unedited, uncensored and purely spontaneous confessions of an exhausted Palestinian.

From Gaza with exhaustion but much of love,

Omar

25 killed due to Israeli attacks on Gaza, Hana Shalabi, Poem

25 killed due to Israeli attacks on Gaza,Hana Shalabi,Poem 

Gaza, March 13, This isn’t knew, I know but that doesn’t make it the norm and it shouldn’t be the norm in any way. Gaza survived four continuous days of Israeli attacks that left 25 dead and 80+ injured. Among those injured, some are critical, some are children and some are women. Among those dead there were elderly, women and children. If you have a heart that enables you to claim that children, women and elderly should be killed because they live in Gaza which automatically means they are terrorists, I don’t consider you a human being. Children are children; I would never celebrate the death of Israeli child, ever.

I am not here to report news, I am sure you already watch news channels every day. I am here to tell you a story, to show you that we are humans and not just numbers. Those 25 people who got killed during Israel’s latest vicious cycle of violence against Gaza have names, they are humans. One of them is somebody’s son, other one is somebody’s grandfather, and another one is somebody’s daughter.

Saleh El Issi, 59, is a person that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Saleh worked as a watchman to a piece of land in central Gaza. Saleh is a civilian; he was targeted with two missiles from an Israeli drone that left him blown up into pieces. Saleh had a grandson, Mohamed, 6, who adore him. Mohamed was his grandpa’s favorite; he would take him for a shopping spree at the little local grocery store. Mohamed saw the drone moving and then saw two missiles falling nearby, his dad called his grandpa seconds ago to ask him to return back home because the area wasn’t safe. He was too late. Mohamed ran and saw his grandpa blown up into pieces; he is in a deep depression now.

Nayef Qarmout, 14, died after an Israeli warplanes fired a missile near a gas station Northern Gaza, Nayef was walking with a group of his friends while on their way back home from school. Nayef’s friends got injured, but he didn’t make it. Mohamed Sa’d, his best friend, said that Nayef was a civilian and too young to think about joining any militant or resistance group.

A father and daughter were also killed by an Israeli attack on Gaza. Ayoub Assaleyah, 17, he was also killed by an Israeli attack on Gaza. He was a civilian and his death left his mother devastated, she is in the hospital now after collapsing due to her little son’s death.

25 stories, 25 devastated families left behind, 80+ injured from which many are critical, homes wrecked, lives changed to the worse, children targeted, elderly targeted, women targeted and Gaza yet survives another dark period.

Let me just remind you that Gaza remains under siege, darkness, lack of power, lack of fuel, lack of gas, lack of water and when you add Israeli attacks to that it immediately equals the bad memories of Israel’s war on Gaza back in 2008.

I wonder when the world will see us as humans instead of just disposal “terrorists”? Why do we have struggle daily to grab just a little piece of normality, tranquility and some peace?

Lets jump to Hana Shalabi, I will also tell you something personal about her instead of just stating a news report about her hunger strike that she started last February (16th) to object the illegal detention of her after her release last October as a part of Shalit swap deal. A quick note before I dive more into Hana Shalabi’s story, Israel has –reportedly- killed and re-imprisoned a number of those freed prisoners as a part of Shalit swap deal. Again, if you are ok with that, then you definitely need to see a doctor to locate a heart beat for you.

Hana is one of nine children in a family of farmers in Burqin village, next to Jenin. On 29 September 2005, Hana’s brother Samer was killed by Israeli forces during an incursion in the village. He had been released from prison for only three months after spending nine months in prison when a group of soldiers came to their farm to re-arrest him and instead shot and killed him and his close friend.

After being released from prison on 18 October, Hana planned to study nursing at Al-Rawda College in Nablus. As she was re-arrested less than four months later, she did not have time to enroll. Ten days after Hana announced her hunger strike, her dad and mom started a hunger strike too. All three are suffering from a deteriorating health that gets worse every day; all three have their lives at risk just to stand against injustice and illegal detention.
Please, go to google and learn more about Hana Shalabi. Decide, on your own, on how you want to help her. Either by telling her story, or signing a petition, or writing about her, and\or any other way you see fit. I will ask you to do your homework, decide the way and then research resources. You will become closer and more personal to Hana, instead of me directing you to links and ways.

And finally, I would like to share a poem that I wrote -rapidly- today. After four days of Israeli attacks on Gaza, the stress caught up to me today and I felt frustrated. I needed a way to let out my anger, frustration and sadness so I wrote this poem. Here it is:

Let me carry your soul
Gently to the sky
May it rest there
What happened to you was inhuman
What happened to you was unfair
May your death bring spring
May your death vanquish despair
May time ease your mother’s cries
Freedom is born when tyranny dies
May your impact heal your mother’s heart
May cruelty end and humanity start
May you rest well
May you smile
In heaven, may you dwell
For victory will come even after awhile
May you be the last sacrifice
May your death bring peace
Your journey was not futile
Your blown up pieces
Collected a homeland
To say the least
Let the birds sing a song
Let the wind sing along
Let us celebrate
The departure of a soul
That led to salvation
For humankind and all
Let this spark ignite a revolution
Let us merge into evolution
Let the departed soul
Be our solution
May we never let you down
When you look down
At us
May we make you proud
May our inner screams
Shake the world with sound
May our inner screams break walls and chains
For the sun will come up
After the sky rains

From Gaza with love,

Omar - March 13th \ 2012

We supported Khader Adnan NOW lets support Hana Shalabi

We supported Khader Adnan NOW lets support Hana Shalabi

Khader Adnan is a name that made history, he is a Palestinian hero who won his battle for his dignity and he won over injustice and cruelty. He was illegally detained after he was kidnapped from his bed by Israeli police; he started a hunger strike to protest against his illegal administrative detention. He ended his hunger strike after 66 days after his lawyers accepted a deal offered by the Israeli military court to release him in April. Israeli police said that Khader Adnan’s illegal arrest was done for classified and secretive reasons that they don’t want to share. YEAH RIGHT. Numerous Palestinian prisoners go and went through the same torture. They will get arrested for classified reasons and just remain illegally detained until further notice.

Khader Adnan isn’t released yet. We should keep fighting until he is released then keep fighting for others like Khader Adnan. Now its time we show the same concern and care for Hana Shalabi. Hana Shalabi entered her 11th day of hunger strike. I was searching for info about Hana Shalabi and found this valuable info about Hana shared by Anan Odeh:

Hanh Shalabi was among more than 1,000 Palestinian prisoners released in October in a trade for Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit. Hana was re-arrested on February 16 2012 and ordered to be detained without trial for six months - administrative detention. She decided to protest her arbitrary detention sam way as the hero Khade Adnan and today she is on the ninth day of her open hunger strike. She needs our immediate support, I believe that every one can do something to emphasize her cause and to make a pressure at the right time - before it is too late - to have her released. Please distribute the story widely and I will do my best to keep you updated.

 Here is her profile from the previous arbitrary detention, so you can learn something about her and about how she suffered that time:

 HANA YAHYA SHALABI

Date of birth: 2 July 1982

Place of detention: Hasharon prison

Date of arrest: 14 September 2009

Place of residence: Burqin, Jenin

Number of order renewals: One

Expected end of administrative detention order: 12 September 2010

Date of release: Hana was released on 18 October 2011 as part of the prisoner exchange deal concluded by the Israeli government and Hamas authorities

ARREST AND INTERROGATION Hana Yahya Shalabi was arrested from her family home on 14 September 2009. At approximately 1:30 a.m. that morning, Israeli soldiers in 12 military jeeps surrounded her house in Burqin village, near the West Bank town of Jenin. The soldiers ordered Hana’s entire family outside of the house and demanded Hana give them her identity card. They then proceeded to conduct a thorough search of the family’s home. During the search, one of the soldiers forcibly removed framed pictures of Hana’s brother Samer, who was killed by the Israeli army in 2005, tore them apart and walked over the pieces in front of the entire family. The soldiers then started shouting and cursing at Hana and her family members. When Hana’s father, aged 63, attempted to intervene and protect his daughter from continued verbal abuse, one Israeli soldier pushed him in the chest with the butt of a rifle. Clearly distressed, Hana’s mother fainted at this scene. The soldiers then handcuffed Hana in painfully tight shackles around her wrists and placed her under arrest.  Hana was then transferred by military jeep to Salem Detention Center. During the transfer, Hana’s abaya, a traditional Muslim religious dress covering the entire body worn by women over home clothes, came open, uncovering her clothes and parts of her body. Some of the male soldiers accompanying her in the jeep took pictures of her at this point, consciously exploiting her situation, knowing she would feel offended and humiliated by such photos. Upon arrival to Salem Detention Center, a doctor gave Hana a quick physical examination. Immediately after the examination, Hana was transferred to Kishon Detention Center inside Israel where her interrogation formally began. 

Solitary confinement and abuse Hana was held in solitary confinement at Kishon Detention Center for eight consecutive days, in a cell measuring six square meters that contained no windows or natural sunlight. The cell contained only a mattress and a bathroom, and was reportedly very dirty. Hana was subjected to exhausting interrogation sessions every day, which lasted from 10:00 a.m. until the late evening hours. The lack of natural sunlight during this period caused her to lose all sense of time and she was often unable to determine whether it was night or day. As this period of isolation and disorientation coincided with the holy month of Ramadan, 

Hana was unable to monitor time in order to respect her fast. As a result, she decided not to eat at all, refusing meals and drinking water only during the entire eight day period.   Hana was also subjected to sexual harassment and physical violence during her interrogation. Hana told Addameer attorney Safa Abdo of an incident that occurred at end of an interrogation session, in which she did not confess to committing a crime, as her interrogators had expected. In a move that Addameer contends was an effort to provoke Hana, one of the Israeli interrogators called Hana “habibti” (Arabic for “darling”) in a provocative manner.   Feeling humiliated and angry at the interrogator’s offensive use of an intimate term, Hana started shouting at him. The interrogators responded by slapping her on her face and beating her on her arms and hands. The guards then took her back to her cell where they tied her to the bed frame and continued humiliating her by taking pictures of her laying in that position.   

Addameer is greatly concerned by the verbal abuse Israeli detaining authorities display towards Palestinian female prisoners by directing sexual threats towards them and using inappropriate, vulgar language. Addameer contends that this behavior is done in a deliberate effort to exploit Palestinian women’s fears by playing on patriarchal norms as well as gender stereotypes within particular customs of Palestinian society. 

ADMINISTRATIVE DETENTION After Hana’s interrogation period concluded, she remained in Kishon Detention Center for nine additional days, which Israeli authorities claimed were necessary for the purpose of investigation.   On 29 September 2009, Israeli Military Commander Ilan Malka issued a six-month administrative detention order against Hana on the premise that she posed a threat to the “security of the area”. The order was set to expire on 28 March 2010. At the judicial review of the order, which took place on 5 October 2009 at the Court of Administrative Detainees in Ofer Military Base, near the West Bank city of Ramallah, military judge Ilan Nun confirmed the order for the entire six month period, but agreed to count the two weeks Hana had already been detained towards her detention period. In his decision, Nun alleged that, based on the “secret information” made available to him by the military prosecution, Hana was intending to carry out a “terrorist attack”. The judge further claimed that Hana had already undertaken initial steps in preparation for the attack, though he provided no proof to support this allegation.   Addameer contends that the judge’s decision raises serious questions and fair trial issues. 

Seventeen days of investigation by the Israeli Security Agency, including eight days of consecutive interrogation did not prove the suspicions against Hana and no evidence of the alleged “intention” was brought before the court. Moreover, at no point did the court establish Hana’s affiliation with a Palestinian political party or armed group, nor did it establish whether Hana planned to carry out the alleged attack by herself or in partnership with anyone else. Additionally, the nature of a possible partnership was never investigated. Importantly, all suspicions directed towards Hana remained vague and general, leaving her without any legitimate means to defend herself. Although administrative detention orders issued by the Israeli military commander are the subject of review and further appeal by a military court, neither lawyers nor detainees are permitted to see the 'secret information’ used as a basis for the detention orders, rendering any possible legal defense meaningless.   Hana’s attorneys filed an appeal against her administrative detention order, but the appeal was refused. Hana is now set to be held without charge or trial until 13 March 2010. 

DETENTION CONDITIONS Prior to her transfer to HaSharon Prison, Hana spent a total of 17 days in Kishon Detention Center, where she was not once given a change of clean clothes. Hana continued to be detained in interrogation-like conditions for three days after her administrative detention order was issued. On 1 October 2009, she was eventually transferred to Section 2 of HaSharon Prison, where, due to overcrowding, she was placed in the same section as female Israeli criminal offenders. This placement is a direct violation of Israeli Prison Service Regulations, which stipulate that administrative detainees are to be held separately from all other detainees and prisoners, including those who have been convicted of a crime. Moreover, detained in the same sections as Israeli criminal offenders, Palestinian female prisoners are almost always discriminated against, enjoy fewer recreation hours and are often subjected to humiliation and abusive language from Israeli prisoners, who threaten them of physical attack. As a result, Palestinian women live in constant fear and often experience insomnia, and other psychological problems for the entire time they are detained in the same sections with Israeli women.   

Addameer attorney Safa Abdo filed a complaint with the HaSharon Prison administration regarding Hana’s detention conditions. On 25 October 2009, after being held for 25 days among Israeli criminal offenders, Hana was finally moved to Section 12 of HaSharon Prison with the other Palestinian female prisoners, where she was held together with approximately 18 other Palestinian female prisoners. The building which now constitutes the prison complex served as the headquarters of the British Mounted Police during the British Mandate in Palestine and, as such, was never designed for the incarceration of women. As a result, Hana suffered from the harsh detention conditions and complained of overcrowding, humidity, lack of natural sunlight and adequate ventilation, as well as poor hygiene standards.(1)  

PERSONAL INFORMATION Prior to her arrest by the Israeli authorities, Hana was arrested and held by the Palestinian intelligence forces for a week in 2009 for the purpose of interrogation. During this period, Hana was permitted to sleep at home and was kept in detention from 9:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m. each day.   Hana is one of nine children in a family of farmers in Burqin village, next to Jenin. On 29 September 2005, Hana’s brother Samer was killed by Israeli forces during an incursion in the village. Although Hana never intended to pursue university studies after completing her secondary education, she now vows to study journalism after she is released to advocate for the rights of Palestinian prisoners.   

Administrative detention is a procedure that allows the Israeli military to hold detainees indefinitely on secret evidence without charging them or allowing them to stand trial. In the occupied Palestinian West Bank, the Israeli army is authorized to issue administrative detention orders against Palestinian civilians on the basis of Military Order 1591. This order empowers military commanders to detain an individual for up to six month renewable periods if they have “reasonable grounds to presume that the security of the area or public security require the detention.” On or just before the expiry date, the detention order is frequently renewed. This process can be continued indefinitely.

Please use your voice, platforms, social media accounts ....etc to be the voice of Hana Shalabi. Join twitter campaigns in support of Hana Shalabi. 

Follow @Addameer_ps and @KhaderAdnan for more info.


Join tomorrow's demonstration in Ramallah at 5 pm. 

You can join Addameer's campaign to STOP ILLEGAL DETENTION by checking out this link that shows you what to do and who to contact:

http://addameer.info/?p=1080#more-1080




You can also take action by signing and circulating this petition:


http://samidoun.ca/2012/02/take-action-today-for-hana-al-shalabi-administrative-detainee-and-hunger-striker/ 


Here is the latest info about Hana Shalabi and her trial:


http://electronicintifada.net/blogs/ali-abunimah/palestinian-woman-11th-day-hunger-strike-parents-join-her-protest-no-charge?utm_source=EI+readers&utm_campaign=d4e743d19e-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email