Eyes Language: Eyes can whisper

Eyes Language: Eyes can whisper

Eyes have capacious importance that surpasses the fact of being an organ and one of the human being's five senses (sight). "Eyes are the window to the soul", I can sense how cliché this sounds when writing it, but hear me out because I am about to tell you more about this cliché.

Let me start by mentioning a very very personal confession here: Those who know me closely know that I rarely make eye contact. Yes, I look at people's mouths when they talk instead of engaging in eye contact. Some noticed while other didn’t, some dared to ask you while others refrained and some thought it was strange while others didn’t care.

The reason behind my previous confession is that I believe in Eyes language, therefore, I understand the parlance of the eyes very clearly, too clear for my own sake. Looks equal mental images in my world, every mental image has or will have a meaning one day so you might want to hold onto it.

See, Chemistry is determined or ignited by a connection that was born after a sparkling eye-contact that takes place between two people. If we look closely or deeply into someone's eye, we tend to explore their soul and not only their outer looks.

Never underestimate a look you give people because people usually get what you mean by it. We are humans and most humans are judgmental, there is a look people give when they judge you that usually comes with\without a frown and maybe some eyebrow action.

Some people are controlling and they like to cast this look of fear in order to intimidate people or bully them. You might be laughing after reading the past line, but trust me it does exist and it usually works (seen it with my own eyes).

Sometimes you won't notice it, but a person might be gazing into your eyes giving you an invitation to know him\her better. If you understand the eyes language then you might be finding a catch –friend\husband\wife\buddy-, but if you don’t then you might be missing an opportunity of a life time. But hey be prudent and wary and don’t over look, you might be mistaken as a stalker. Equilibrium is the answer.  

Certain kind of people doesn't know how to lie, yes, don’t laugh. But it's not because they are angels and others are demons, it's simply because their eyes are scandalous. It will take you two seconds to spot their spuriousness. They can't help it, because eyes never change; only we do.

Some people like to take a deeper look at everything, whether people or surroundings, just to help everything sink in. Yes, it sounds overwhelming but it helps you pay attention more and notice things you don’t usually notice (personally tried). On the other hand, some eyes do shimmer with honesty. 

Those who like to be memorable tend to make long, deep and meaningful eye-contact. Somehow a person will be considered "random" if you just saw him\her walking by or something, but if you made eye-contact then it will turn into a mental image that might\might not be summoned later (or appear spontaneously).

Eye-connections come in so many types. The most infamous one is "flirting". While some people manipulate words to flirt, others choose to flirt with their eyes. You can't imagine how many signals you can send with your eyes and how much you can tell. Again, please be careful, securitizing sometimes might turn you into being condescending and rancorous.

Another type of eye-connection is the "friendly" type where you aren’t flirting –not even innocently flirting- but instead you are just being sweet and friendly (and boring, according to some people). But hey, be true to yourself and your aesthetic. If you like to make eye-contact to be friendly then so be it.

Third type is "love". "Love at first sight", another cliché I bore you with but come on, you know that it's true and it happens\ed (if not with you, then with someone you know). Yes, a love story can be built around looks, and sometimes looks only until you both are ready to take it further.  This type can take so much time or just one glare and Voilà you find yourself in love with someone without knowing why and\or how. Eyes are that powerful and looks are that influential. Sometimes you can fall into someone's eyes so deeply that the world goes empty, you will see only this person while the world stops and it will take you some time to snap out of it.


Eyes can also reflect hatred, danger, envy, resentment, deceit, lust or desire (and numerous other things). You might feel like asking me: "Omar, how can I know what the look means?", and my answer will be: there is a natural filter inside of us that helps us determine the hidden intentions that occur behind the look. Some have stronger filter than others. And sometimes it also relates to trusting your instinct or ignoring it especially when your body is trying to give you signals\warnings about a person you know\meet\see\gaze at. Looks are usually accompanied with facial expressions, these expressions are tools to help you in decoding the looks.


Sometimes a person can look at you because they like you, as simple as it is. Embrace it and don’t always pursue it because it might not always be serious. "Examine the water before you dive in", my third and last cliché (I promise).


The last type that I want to mention is: "Mysterious". Yes, people sometimes give you mysterious looks. Even if you are an expert at the Eyes Language, you just won't be able to figure them out no matter how hard you try. From a personal experience: Don’t exhaust yourself in trying to understand those mysterious looks and don’t over think them, sometimes they are mysterious simply because the person himself\herself doesn’t know what they want\mean so they cast those mysterious looks reflecting their inner state. They might not know what they want from you or they might not even know what they want in life so they spontaneously show their incoherence\disorientation with their eyes. Don’t take it personally, just move on.


Eyes tell secrets that people don’t dare say so make sure you listen and pay attention. Eyes are able to whisper even louder than your lips.   

Gaza's forcibly converted Christians actually converted to Islam out of convition

Gaza's forcibly converted Christians actually converted to Islam out of conviction

Gaza, July 22, A few days ago, a whirl of windy allegations stirred when news alleging that a Christian in Gaza was forced into conversion. The Christian community in Gaza decreases each year due to immigration and other reasons. Christians consider themselves a minority with only 3000 approx. of them left in Gaza.

The story that surfaced was personal to me, not only as a journalist, but as a person who knew Ramez Al Amash from school and sat beside him in the class room for two consecutive years. I have many Christian friends here in Gaza so this story meant something to me. I chose to wait and take my time in researching so I don’t end up giving them or Muslims any injustice.

Al Amash family, along with other Christians, staged a public protest infront of the Palestinian legislative council last week in Gaza. They claimed their son was kidnapped after they found a piece of paper with his hand writing saying: "I converted to Islam, Please forgive me". They escalated the whole issue by getting all media involved; they even turned to their church seeking involvement. Western media rushed to the scene in a frenzied enthusiasm, they finally got the chance of backing up their false claims that turns Gaza into an Islamic medieval city. 

Archbishop Alexius, Orthodox Church in Gaza, rushed to issue a statement to the press accusing "militant Islamic groups" in Gaza of kidnapping Christians and forcing them into conversion using "dirty ways" and terrorism. He accused those groups of kidnapping 5 congregants in Gaza (Ramez Al Amash, Hiba Abu Dawood and her three girls).

LA Times, AP, Fox news and numerous other western media in addition to Islamophobic websites jumped on the story once it went viral, they wanted to exploit it. They forget their objectivity and professionalism and decided not to wait or verify their stories.

PCHR weighed in and planned a friendly meeting with Ramez and his parents. He assured them that the video showing him saying he is fine and he converted out of conviction was true. His father accepted the new Ramez but his mother kept telling him to say the truth.

Mona Al Amash, Ramez's mother, was deep in denial. She issued sizzling statements to all press saying that no matter how long everyone and Ramez keep telling her that Ramez converted out of conviction; it will remain untrue to her. "I know how I raised him, I know who he is, and he can't become a Muslim in two days. I don’t care about the video or Ramez's assurance; I am sure my son is still a Christian and will forever be one," she added while sobbing.

Rumors surfaced saying that Ramez fell in love with a Muslim girl and she either taught him about Islam or asked him to convert as a condition of their marriage. Christians spread this rumor and said that Ramez told his parents about her but they rejected the whole idea. Ramez and his family remain silent about this story, they chose not to comment.

Another rumor surfaced of Ramez being beaten up when he went to visit his fainted mother in the hospital after she heard the news. His family said that she entered shouting "I am still a Christian mom" and then he was beaten with his mother and sister. The story turned out to be untrue. The real story goes like this: Ramez tried to soften things for his mother so he told her he is still a Christian and she should wake up, he was then grabbed by his family so the Police had to intervene and take him away to a safe place. This story was confirmed by Ayman Al Batniji, Police Chief in Gaza, and many other witnesses.

Ramez, 24, stopped talking to the media but accepted to talk to me as his friend. He told me that he wanted to become a Muslim for over five months; he has been living like one and hiding it from his family. "I turned to Sheikh Salem Salamah, Association of Muslim Scholars in Gaza, four times and asked him to help me become a Muslim but he would reject me and ask me to go back to my family. Until the last time, I went and begged him to listen to me and help me. I assured him that I still want to be with my family but I want to convert to Islam after full conviction. He accepted and he helped me," Ramez added with a tired voice.

"I was overwhelmed with all the media and all the organizations that intervened and I couldn’t understand the deep denial my mother was in and I was worried about her. They say I wasn’t normal in the youtube video. Yes, I wasn’t normal, I was tired and overwhelmed. I didn’t think my story will have such consequences," Ramez concluded.

Archbishop Alexius shared his regret of issuing such a statement from the Orthodox Church in Gaza before verifying Ramez and Hiba's stories and relying on allegations only. Especially after the statements of Bassem Na'eem, Gaza minister of health and Ayman Batniji, Gaza police chief, which asked the "Christian brothers and sisters" to verify the stories and accept the new conversions so as to not ruin the great brotherhood between Christians and Muslims in Gaza.

Mona Al Amash and The Orthodox Church in Gaza both made heated statements about the Christians' future in Gaza after all these conversions. They claimed that the Christians in Gaza will face distinction, blaming "Militant Islamic Groups" which turned out later to be just allegations and those congregants converted out of conviction.

Ramez decided to go and live with his family because he loves his family and in Islam family ties are honored on a high level. He expects hardships and obstacles to be a new Muslim living between a Christian family but he will do his best to survive until he gets married and move out or move out after he did his best to surpass any hardships.

Ramez's mother remains in full denial and still insists that her son is a Christian who was forced into conversion despite the assurance and confirmation of Ramez himself, Association of Muslim Scholars, Gaza police, PCHR and many others. But this is understandable, Christian community here is a minority and they are very protective. Many conversions happened and the first reaction would always be "denial".

Moving on to Hiba Abu Dawood's story, Hiba studied at the Islamic University in Gaza. She had to study many Islamic subjects within her major. She started asking questions to her professors, friends and classmates about Islam. She was very interested.

Hiba started parting away from her Christian husband. Yet, he suspected nothing. She started changing and she started exploring Islam. She was very moved and touched by the Islamic prayer and fasting. "I always wanted to be closer to god, now I have five chances everyday to pray for God and make dua. I love fasting, its so spiritual," Hiba added happily.

Hiba confirms strongly that she converted out of full conviction and after a long time of thinking. "I made my decision," she added strongly. Hiba sent her family a message saying she misses them all and she will always love them but she made her decision and she hopes they accept her as a convert.

"I am staying with a family who heard about my story and wanted to adopt me. They take care of me and my three girls, they provide us with everything we need and they help me learn more about Islam. I am very comfortable and happy. I am not sick like my family has been told," Hiba added.

"I hope my family isn’t sad or angry with me, they are welcome to visit me anytime," Hiba concluded. Hiba then was surprised after she learned that the church is asking for the custody of her three daughters claiming that they are still Christians and they want to make sure they are well and not forced or hated.

"I am very surprised. These are my daughters and nobody will love them or raise them better than I will. I will not force them into anything. I will love them and raise them no matter they remain Christians or convert into Islam. I wasn’t forced to convert, how can I do that to my daughters? I won't give my daughters up and 

I will fight for them if they were taken by force," Hiba added chokingly through a phone call.

A story also surfaced of a New Zealander Journalist who came to Gaza a year ago and decided to stay then converted to Islam. Her name is Julie and she said that she belonged to Islam even before she heard about it. 

Many other stories of new converts surfaced and yet many other rumors circled them. But the truth has to shine at the end just like the truth about Ramez and Hiba surfaced at the end. 

Ghassan Kanafani, Good Byes, Grandma, Gaza, Palestine, Egypt, Morsi & Me

Ghassan Kanafani, Good Byes, Grandma, Gaza, Palestine, Egypt, Morsi & Me

Warning: This is very raw, emotional and looooong. 

July 8, Gaza, I don’t know from where to start. Should I try to remember the beginning or jump right to the end or just honor the middle by mention it first. I had this strong intuition that 2012 will be an eventful year, a year of unprecedented events, a year of laughter and sobs and a year that I will remember for the rest of my life. Oh boy, Its July and till now I am very right.

Let me start by honoring Ghassan Kanafani, who ignited the inspiration behind this blog post after the abandonment to my blog for a little over a month ago. Today, we commemorate the 40^th anniversary of Israel's brutal assassination of Ghassan in Beirut by blowing his car up. Yes, he had a dangerously artistic mind that overflowed with influential work that touched the hearts of numerous people around the world. He needed to be silenced.

Yet, 40 years today after his death, his voice remains stronger or even stronger than ever. His words touch me like he wrote them today to me only and his work is highly known and searched for by many people around the world. Voices like Ghassan cant be silenced.

If you want to know more about him check his website:

http://www.ghassankanafani.com/indexen.html

By now, most of you became familiar with my weirdness and eccentricity (or I hope you are). I relate to many different things, I belong to many different people\nations\things\countries and I bond with numerous things and people. Ghassan Kanafani is a special case. I remember saying: "I think I know this man", when I first saw his picture. I read allot about him and I kept feeling like I know him.

His face is so familiar, the curve of his mouth when he smiles is familiar, the way he glares is familiar, the way he thinks is familiar and the way he writes is very familiar. I feel like we were best friends or could be best friends had I been born in his Era. I feel angry sometimes because I didn’t attend his funeral. I feel jealous sometimes because I wish I was one of his friends in Gaza or outside whom he used to see and\or write to.

Here is a letter he wrote to his friend Mustafa:  

http://www.newjerseysolidarity.org/resources/kanafani/kanafani5.html

It strikes me how familiar and identical Gaza sounds in his letter. Its like he is among us now. His letter is ageless, I wonder if he ever imagined that so many years will pass but Gaza will remain Gaza. The only difference is that more blood flows in Gaza streets reflecting a red that can be felt but not seen. The debris of defeat has created a fog and more sadness camps on Gaza. Yet, more steadfastness took place and life still goes on like it went on when he wrote this letter.

For a split second, I felt like I wrote this letter or it was written to me yesterday. There is allot of Ghassan Kanafani in me and allot of me in him, I wish he was here so I could tell him that. Anyway, I'm sure his soul got my message.

Just like Ghassan, I always undergo the fiasco\inner conflict\dilemma of "should I leave or should I stay?" for the same reasons or atleast similar reasons or just my reasons.

Here is a picture of his funeral:

Starting from the end requires from me to go back to the beginning. This year started with the continuation of revolutions in the Arab world. Revolutions that I was very attached to. I wouldn’t sleep, glued to the TV watching the latest news from Tahrir and\or Syria and\or Bahrain and\or Yemen and\or Libya and ofcourse the latest news of my own country –Palestine- even though unfortunately we weren’t going through any revolutions here.

I then joined MSF's (Doctors without Borders – France) office in Gaza to live a once-in-a-live-time experience that came out of nowhere and was very unexpected. I learned things in 5 months that I couldn’t have learned in 10 years. The best and most exhausting 5 months in my life. I got a wide access to Gaza and the INGOs world here. I discovered shocking things and I witnessed good and bad things after careful observation. Yet, I felt a tremendous pride for being MSF member and MSF felt pride to have me aboard.

Its sad to see that those 5 months have come to an end but its time to move on. I will come out with endless amazing memories and people who will be my friends for life. Plus, a very worthy experience and an unimaginable honor.

On my birthday this year, my grandmother was sick and got sicker and this totally ruined my birthday. I love her so much so I couldn’t help be affected by her sickness. Her health kept declining until we were all able to see in May that she is living her last days. I kept preparing myself for the inevitable but later I learned that no matter how hard you prepare yourself, you will never be ready to lose a loved one.

On June 22^nd, Friday, I had a bath and left to my best friend's house. Before I left, I saw my sister leaning next to my grandma's bed while she is asleep and reading her Qura'an. I asked her "why?" and she said she just felt like doing it. 15 minutes after my arrival to my best friend's house, I got a call from home: "Come, something bad has happened", my heart told me that the moment I fret just happened. 

I rushed home accompanied by Ziad my best friend and I was calm. Then, out of nowhere, felt like air is abandoning my body, like I was about to dive into oblivion, like I was about to go mad, like my mind was about to explode. Half way home, in the cab, I got my first ever panic attack. I never experienced panic attacks before; I only heard about them and saw them on TV. They aren’t pretty or easy. I arrived home and saw the ambulance parked downstairs. Suddenly, I had to face the ugly truth. Teta is gone. My grandma is no longer with us. I went down from the cab, threw my bag on the floor and rushed upstairs. Teta is dead, she passed away. I realized that after 12 continuous and strong panic attacks. I thought I was prepared; my body had a different story to tell.

Numbness take over when you cant deal with a big loss. Teta wasn’t just a grandma; she was a second mother who kept us together after I lost my mom at the age of 9 and a half. After her death I felt motherless, a feeling so cruel and dark and cold that I felt a constant chill in my spine. I feel that I'm still in denial.

Farewell Grandma, you battled cancer for 13 years, you raised children and grandchildren and you taught us to love Palestine like you did. You lived a full life, you had an exceptional willpower and you kept Palestine in your heart then passed it onto ours. May you rest in peace and know that you will never ever be forgotten.

As if I wasn’t overwhelmed enough with everything around, Egypt was unstable and Morsi won the elections. Speculations here and in Egypt were flying like flocks and flocks of birds. I didn’t know what to feel. Its either Morsi or Shafiq. Bad and worse. I felt sorry for Egypt and Egyptians. I felt their frustration and showed my support.

I still crave visiting tahrir square and all my friends there. I still have respect for Egypt.

Moving on to Palestine. Hmmm I don’t know what to say. I wake up every day craving the west bank and the stolen lands of 1948. I miss Palestine. My soul yearns for Palestine. I want to visit Nazareth and all my family there. I want to visit Safad and relive all the memories that my grandma told me about it and how her heart broke when the huge expulsion of 1948 took place. She always wished and wanted to go back there one day.

I am worried about Palestine. The Palestinian cause has been and still is making a huge progress regarding awareness, BDS and such but the Palestinian cause internally is nearly lost. Palestinians are two seconds away of giving up. Our internal issues are screwed up. We are divided and I think that we require a miracle to unite and free Palestine. I hope god is listening.

Finally, I would like to thank you all for being my friends, loyal fans and having continuous interested in my blog even when life's pressures force me to abandon it for a while. I also want to thank you all for helping me be real, raw and emotional while I share my stories with you.

Eternal Gratitude,

Omar from Gaza

Silence : Are you listening?

Silence : Are you listening?

Gaza, May 19, I have always came across “Silence” in my life, each time in a different form. It became a companion (rather than just a friend), a goal (sometimes) and an intriguingly opulent space. I discovered that Silence can become anything you want it to be, ofcourse that doesn’t mean its easily manipulated because sometimes it can be an abhorrent burden.

Silence is just like air, you cant see it or feel it, but you can definitely sense it and hear it if you paid attention. 

Just like anything in life, Silence can be used in a good way or a bad way.

Silence can bounce between gratitude, shame, guilt and\or empathy. Silence is wisdom when talk is cheap.

Silence can be a hint of dalliance, the beginning of a love affair, the end of a long relationship, a manifestation of certain good or bad feelings or just a way out. Some consider Silence as a symptom of defeat while others consider Silence as a sign of power.

“Actions speak louder than words”, is a popular saying that we often use excessively, but what we fail to mention is that Silence can be as powerful as actions and words. It can ruin a person, relationship, family, career, and\or a reputation if\when misinterpreted. It can also thicken the air when it tries to delicately hold what is left unsaid.

Silence can encapsulate endless untold stories and\or secrets but it can also refer to tiresome.

While some people consider Silence as a devilish act, others will resort to Silence to politely disagree with an elderly (whether a parent or a person you highly respect). It can also become the face of helplessness or a wicked punishment to someone that hurt us. Silence can be an alarming warning of anger.

People are usually Silent when they are contemplating or planning ahead. Silence can be the preparation of a pleasant surprise or the mischievous intent that will lead to atrocities and\or crimes of any nature.

In the Arabic culture, Silence is a sign of consent. When the bride-to-be is asked by her father or the sheikh if she approves or disapproves marrying the man who came to offer his love, Silence is a sign of consent. It can also be a sign of oppression if the bride-to-be is afraid to voice her real feelings. Silence can be an act of fear.

Silence can represent an asylum for people who assign it as their comfort zone. It can also be the mantra of true love for you don’t need to speak allot if there is a direct lane of feelings between you and your beloved. It can also refer to a lack of communication or even a lack of trust.

Silence has a voice that you can hear if you listen carefully. It can be singsonging calmness or containing bad news or an act of carelessness.

Silence can be a privilege that you need to work hard to experience, or a luxury that you yearn to indulge yourself in, or a self-defense mechanism that you use as a shield from being hurt or just a way to recuperate from a deep emotional wound caused by someone you love or a prison that you find yourself stuck in.

Silence can be the result of dead emotions. Silence can also be a way of appreciating everything around you.

Silence can be caused by injustice. Silence can mean cowardice.  Silence can impersonate a man with a wounded pride. Silence can become a solution to disguise confabulation.

Silence can shout: I love you or I cant stand you or I need my distance or I need to stay away for your own good.

Hence, Silence can also showcase inner peace or the exemplary rituals of a spiritual prayer that you might be performing for god in a ceremony that includes only you and god.

Silence can be easily molded but it should never be underestimated or taken lightly because it can hide lifetimes and worlds.

Confessions of an Exhausted Palestinian: Mahatma Gandhi or Kim Kardashian?

Confessions of an Exhausted Palestinian: Mahatma Gandhi or Kim Kardashian?

P.S. Before you read à in this blog post: I am not generalizing, I am not talking about all Palestinians and pro-Palestinians and I am not talking about those who did everything I am about to mention. I am talking about people who misuse and abuse Palestine. Who am I to judge you ask? You are right, I am not entitled to judge anyone, I am just sharing my own observations, NOT MY JUDGEMENTS.

Gaza, April 19, I have been silent for a while but I guess its time I break my silence and let everything out. I am exhausted of being a Palestinian who is living in Gaza. I live with two contradicting attractions inside of me that represent an inner struggle, I belong to this land but I feel like a stranger at the same time. I refuse to lose my entity to blend in. Yet, being who I am and living in Gaza is very exhausting.

I see Palestine as a woman who is being raped by many people and many countries, all wishing to take control of this steadfastness that is represented by an authentic soil that has an indestructible soul. Some (I am being polite here, I really wanted to write many instead of some) Palestinians inside Palestine, in the Diaspora and pro-Palestinians use Palestine in one way or another.

Palestinians inside, in the Diaspora and pro-Palestinians use Palestine in monetizing sympathy or turning this sympathy into forms of materialism or delusion such as: 

1.       Using Palestine, Palestinian children and\or anything related to Palestine to collect donations that end up used to fund a laptop or iPhone instead of saving a life or aiding the needy.

2.       Allure desperate pro-Palestinian old\young females and deceive them by the sweetness of fake love that ends up ending after getting money or a visa or anything beneficial.

3.       Collecting visas and funded trips around the world.

4.       Fake heroism.

5.       Becoming a Journalist or a photojournalist (even if they didn’t major in it or have no experience in it).

6.       Collecting international and Arab girlfriends in all countries.

7.       Assigning themselves as the representatives of Palestine, youth and\or anything related to Palestine.

8.       Collecting donations in the name of Palestine but in reality they fund a personal life, wedding, trips, personal businesses….etc.

9.       To meet foreigners à International people who stand in solidarity with Palestine.

10.   Shouting for the right of return but in reality THEY WILL NEVER RENOUNCE THEIR FOREIGN CITIZENSHIP AND LEAVE THEIR LIVES TO COME BACK TO PALESTINE.

11.   Found orgs and associations in the name of Palestine.

12.   Seek fame.

13.   Make Palestine their life “temporarily” until they find\seek one.

14.   Focus on the big picture ignoring the living conditions inside of Palestine simply because they have no idea how it goes, since they live abroad.

15.   Loving Palestine because of a person –Which usually ends when this dalliance ends- or loving a Palestinian because of Palestine which turns out to be a delusional dalliance too.

This is very unfortunate. Isnt it enough that Israel wants every bit of Palestine? Isn’t it enough that Arabs are doing nothing to free Palestine? Isn’t it enough that Palestinians are divided? Isn’t it enough that the world remains silent when it comes to Palestine? NOPE. Not enough. People want to squeeze their share out of Palestine and use it in their own twisted way.

I wonder what Palestine did to deserve all this harshness, cruelty and exploitation.

I also feel how shameful these acts are when it comes to genuine people (like Palestinians inside and out, Arabs and internationals) who sacrificed their lives to do something for poor Palestine. What will you tell Rachel Corrie who sacrificed her life by defying a bulldozer in Rafah? How would you describe your ugly acts for Tom Hurndall who sacrificed his life saving Palestinian children in Gaza? How would you describe your evil intentions to Vittorio Arrigoni who lived for Gaza, breathed Gaza and was killed in Gaza because of his genuine endless love and devotion for Gaza?

Will you be able to face Dalal Maghrabi? Or Hana Shalabi? Or Khader Adnan? Or the thousands and thousands of Palestinian martyrs who lost their lives because they Palestinians? Or those children who became disabled because of being bombed by Israel for being Palestinians? Or the students who have to pass endless checkpoints and the Apartheid wall to go to school? Or the mothers of martyrs? Or the families who lost everything because they are Palestinians who love their land? Or Jerusalemites who lost and still losing their homes after being confiscated by Israel for “Judaisation reasons”? or the Palestinian and pro-Palestinian activists who get beaten up and bullied after being called “Anti-Semites”?

I am not perfect either, I am also ashamed of myself because I havent done much for Palestine. But I recognize that I am not a hero, I don’t seek fame and I will never ever be able to face any of the people that I previously mentioned because they did allot for Palestine while I struggle to do something for my country.

They say: “If you cant beat them, join them” and if you want to blend in then change your colors. I refuse to join them or change my colors for anyone no matter what.

I am torn. I want to stay in Palestine but I will never be able to join or blend in. Not because all Palestinians are bad, simply because I am different. People in Gaza aren’t ready for a change, but I yearn for a positive change. I believe in the butterfly effect and when I said that out loud here I was called “crazy”, “a dreamer” and “strange”. I have big dreams for Palestine that maybe not many might agree with, cheer on or understand. 

I am not into the system of how things flow here, which automatically makes me a person who is defying the flow. I might be wrong, I might be right; I just want to be me. Palestinians in Gaza always look at me in disbelief whenever I say I am a Palestinian who lives in Gaza, they keep begging to differ. They will always see me as a “foreigner” or “Lebanese” or “Syrian” or “American” or “Irish” or “West Banker or just a “Stranger” who isn’t trying hard enough to fit in, and these are only a few of the things that I have been called. Note that: I have the Palestinian passport, ID and NATIONALITY which –for them- isn’t enough just because I am a red head, I have an American accent and my Arabic is in Lebanese\Syrian dialect.

If I go out, I will turn into those hot-blooded Palestinians who say “Palestine” in every sentence no matter how irrelevant it was to the subject. I will get homesick because of my strong belonging and attachment to Palestine. I will feel guilty because I am not inside Palestine stirring a change or helping my people. I will become distant and I might end up being a true “stranger”. I will be pressured by westerns to fit in, and pressured by Palestinians to remain authentic. I will be called “Anti-Semite” by some and a “Fake Palestinian by others.

Some assure me that I can do allot for Palestine by living outside of Palestine, while others encourage me to stay in Palestine because Palestine needs us, but what do I want? I simply don’t know. I know that I want to write books, magazines, and poetry but saying that will lead me to a question that I will ask myself before you ask it to me: Doesn’t that mean you are seeking fame and using Palestine? I don’t know, but what I know is that I want to write about the beauty and pain of Palestine as I see\saw and my own experience while living in it and also write about life, not to be famous, but to reach people’s hearts and minds. Feel free to believe or curse me.

I still don’t know whether I should stay in Palestine or leave. Should I keep fighting or change strategies or simply give up? Should I follow the principles of Mahatma Gandhi and dedicate my life to humanity and Palestine or follow the mantra of Kim Kardashian and just live my life doing nothing but enjoying fake fame, or should I find a middle ground? Black, white or grey? Who am I to say?

Between Gaza, siege, apartheid wall, The West Bank, divided Palestine, martyrs, Israel’s constant violations of human rights, no rights of free movement, living in the biggest open air prison, having dreams that penetrate this earth reaching all the way to the whole universe, loving my country, belonging to Palestine, fitting-in issues, the BDS movement, dreams of better education, dreams of a better Palestine, dreams of a better life, dreams of unity, craving to stir and lead a positive revolutionary change in Palestine, helping my people, bombing, Israel’s illegal detention and settlements, the roams if Israeli F16s, the vast variety of Israel’s kinds of bombardment, psychological war, mental pressures, Hamas and Fatah, leaving or staying and a thousand other things: I feel lost and emotionally anguished.

Forgive me Palestine, for I have not found the best way to serve you and I got lost\confused because I don’t want to end up harming you instead of helping you.

P.S. Forgive my writing style, this wasn’t and will not be edited. This blog post is the unedited, uncensored and purely spontaneous confessions of an exhausted Palestinian.

From Gaza with exhaustion but much of love,

Omar

Gaza: A PR "Power" Struggle - Fuel shortage crisis

Gaza: A PR "Power" Struggle - Fuel shortage crisis

Gaza, March 27, Mohammed Al-Helo, a four-month-old infant, died when the shortage of electricity in the Gaza Strip caused the artificial respirator his life depended on to shut down.

His death was a personal tragedy for his family, but for Hamas – the Islamic movement that governs the Gaza Strip – it was an opportunity to illustrate how difficult its struggle is to keep its citizens safe and secure. Portraying it as the first recorded death due to the energy crisis, the movement’s spokesmen and the family said Mohammed’s lifeless body had been brought to Shifa Hospital last Friday.

As the Associated Press quickly discovered, however, Mohammed had in fact died March 4, nearly three weeks earlier.

It had been reported in Al-Quds – embarrassingly for Hamas, a newspaper identified with the 

rival Fatah movement.

But the battle goes on unabated to assign the blame for weeks of chronic blackouts, long lines at filling stations and rising unemployment that have caused ordinary Gazans to move from distress to anger.

The sides are arrayed like this: Hamas blames Egypt for the fuel shortage, as well as at various times Israel, Fatah and the local power company. Egypt blames Hamas. Fatah blames Hamas. The local power company blames Hamas, too. Even Islamic Jihad entered the blame game. But it can’t decide who is responsible.

In an unusually bland statement from, Islamic Jihad leader, Khaled Al-Batsh announced last Saturday: “If any evidence surfaces proving any role by any Palestinian party or faction in this harsh crisis that Gaza is going through, this faction should be charged and not be absolved.”

If the finger-pointing goes in every conceivable direction, no one takes issues with the fact that Gaza’s 1.4 million people are suffering.

Scheduled power cuts aimed at saving limited supplies of fuel have grown to between 12 and 18 hours a day. Ambulances and fire trucks have put 60% of their fleets out of service. Bakeries have cut back working hours to the mornings. Hospitals are on an emergency footing. Farmers have destroyed crops due to the lack of refrigeration.

Finding a cab is a mission impossible, which means students often fail to show up for classes and employees at their workplaces. Hamas has tried to absorb the rising anger by offering to chauffeur students in governmental-owned vehicles.

A few Gazans have resorted to black humor to cope with the crisis. Ahmed Seba’i, a student, jokes that he has gotten so used to the blackouts he will hit the streets to protest if electricity ever comes back. Ahmed Al-Shurafa, a newlywed, said he and his wife welcomes them. “Our nights are now more romantic – we spend them by candlelight.”

But the great majority of Gazans aren’t sharing in the humor and increasingly daring postings are calling on Hamas to step down.

“How can Hamas’ elected leaders indulge in electricity in their homes day and night because of the huge generators they own, while the people who elected them sleep in darkness?” asked blogger Hammam Mubarak. He urged the movement to solve the energy crisis or step down. Mubarak, who studies political science, headlined his post, “Hamas Should Step Down,” but realizing how dangerous this could be, modified it to: “Hamas – You Are Out of Credit.”

A survey conducted earlier this month by the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research (PSR) found that Hamas could capture just 27% of the vote if parliamentary elections were held today, a decline of eight percentage points from three months ago. Satisfaction with the Hamas government was down five percentage points to 36%.

“Yes, we elected Hamas for government in Gaza back in 2005. They should rise up to the occasion or just resign or leave or announce their failure,” Hussam Hamidiya said.

A sharp drop in power supplies last week has given new impetus to the blame game. Electricity was rationed to a mere four hours day, at most, which idled pumps and led to a shortage in water.

Hassan Younis, the Egyptian minister of energy and electricity, had this to say about where the onus for the blackouts lies – and it is Hamas. Cairo is prepared to supply fuel at low cost to Gaza in consideration of the hardships of life there, he said, but it wants the supplies to be shipped in an orderly fashion, though Israel’s Kerem Shalom crossing.

Instead, said Younis, Hamas wants to rip off Egyptian taxpayers by buying energy that is subsided by the Egyptian government for its own people and smuggle it through the network of tunnels running under their joint border. Hamas wants to rip off Gazans by demanding the fuel be shipped through the Egypt-Gaza border terminal at Rafah, where it can collect taxes on the imports. Egypt, he said, would have none of it.

Taher El-Nono, the Hamas government spokesperson, fired back by accusing Egypt of cooperating with the Israeli occupation. “The Gaza fuel shortage crisis was cooked by many parties and we blame the Israeli occupation for imposing a suffocating siege on Gaza,” he said. “We signed many agreements regarding electricity and fuel with Egypt but they didn’t commit to their obligations despite our transfer of $2 million for fuel.” The Egyptian Energy Authority answered back that Hamas still owes it $6 million.

Not satisfied with blaming Egypt and Israel for the crisis, Hamas official Mahmoud Al-Zahara issued a press release accusing Gaza’s Electricity Generating & Distributing Company for the problem.

The company didn’t take that lying down. Acting General Manager Walid Sayel issued his own press release:  “The company lacks only fuel, and the fuel is the responsibility of Gaza’s Energy Authority, which is run by Hamas.” He accused the Hamas government of trying to seize control the company’s finances, which are now monitored by the Fatah-controlled Palestinian Authority.

Fatah, meanwhile, let loose with a volley of accusations against Hamas. Its regional office in Gaza issued a press statement denying any responsibility for the fuel crisis or that it was exploiting it to inflame public opinion against Hamas.

When two small shipments of fuel did make their way to Gaza over the weekend from Israel and from Egypt, Fatah and Hamas both crowed over their role in arranging it, making sure that each side’s leaders featured prominent in taking credit.

“After extensive efforts done by President Mahmoud Abbas, Salam Fayyad, and Hussein al-Sheikh along with Egyptian officials in negotiating with the Israeli side, which were successful, large quantities of industrial diesel this morning were pumped for the Gaza’s only power plant,” announced Nathmi Muhana, chairman of the PA’s Crossings and Border Authority.

Hamas quickly rushed out it own press release on the Egyptian delivery, quoting Sami Abu Zuhri, its official spokesman, saying: “This came after the fruitful efforts of Hamas government in Gaza and Hamas leaders to end the fuel shortage in Gaza, Thanks to Ismail Haniyah, prime minister of Hamas government in Gaza, and Moussa Abu Marzaouq, Hamas leader, for making this happen.”

By Sunday, however, the Gaza Energy Authority announced that the plant would shut down again after the industrial diesel supplies were used up.

My article was first published yesterday by the media line, here is the link:

http://themedialine.org/news/news_detail.asp?NewsID=34751

Gazans are disappointed by this "power" struggle and endless battles between Palestinian factions. They wonder when all of this will end? and if it will ever end?

Regards,

Omar 4m Gaza

"Visit Palestine" poster by Franz Kraus - what does it stand for?

"Visit Palestine" poster by Franz Kraus - what does it stand for?

Gaza, March 20, I came across this “Visit Palestine” poster somewhere and I stopped to admire my homeland’s beauty. Honestly, the portrait is beautiful. The past two years have been a sole proof that when “its too good to be true, then its probably NOT true”. I took a closer look. I spotted writings in Hebrew and the name of the artist behind it. I was right. A quick note: This poster was made in 1936.

Franz Kraus, Israeli graphic designer, was the artist behind this beautiful poster. More curious than cats, I immediately turned to google to know more about Mr. krausz. Here is some info about him:

Franz Kraus (also known as Franz Krausz; 13 May 1905, St. Pölten, Austria – 1998, Tel Aviv, Israel) was an Israeli graphic designer. Kraus grew up in Graz, Austria, and claimed that his favorite place was the art studio of brother Emil Kraus. Kraus lived in Berlin 1926–33, where he eventually assumed the position of the sole graphic designer of the Friedrich Ernst Hübsch-Verlag (publisher). The job fulfilled his early desire to become an artist; he had envied brother Emil's talent. As a night student, he studied in the Reimann Schule in Berlin, the city where he met his wife-to-be Anni. Due to the frightening public antisemitic incidences there, he and Anni decided to immigrate to Palestine. (WikiPedia)

If you wish to learn more about Franz Kraus, check this WikiPedia Link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Kraus

When you take a first look, you would think Franz was a Pro-Palestinian Jew\Israeli. Think again. Yes, this portrait was done in 1936 (before the Palestinian Nakba, Foundation of Israel). Yet, Franz painted a wide range of similar portraits “celebrating” the beauty in Palestine and asking Jews everywhere to come and redeem their land. Yes, you read it well, redeem their land and yes “again” this was prior to the foundation of Israel. Some of Franz’s portraits had titles like: “Blessed Land of Israel Awaits Redemption”, “Redeem the Land”, “Zionist Pioneer - Krausz Draft”, “Yakhin Jaffa Oranges - Jordan Jaffa Oranges”, “Guide to New Palestine”, “Invest in Palestine - Build the Jewish State”, and “Eretz Israel - The Country of Our Future”.

I don’t know what redemption Franz was talking about if all those portraits –those with redemption and Zionist titles- was made between 1935 and 1936. If Israel was founded in 1948, what land do they want to redeem exactly? Ok, I wont be turning to google or WikiPedia or different links to tell you about the history of Palestine. I am not a history teacher, nor do I have the intention of giving you a lecture in history.

So, Palestine was Palestine until some Zionist Jews like Mr. Franz decided they wanted redemption. Redemption of a land that was never theirs, AGAIN Israel was founded in 1948. So Zionist Jews inside and outside of Palestine decided to expel Palestinians and take their land because they wanted redemption. Palestinians tried to fight against this ethnic cleansing but unlike Israel, we were not armed by the British occupation, so we lost. So who should ask for redemption? Prior to 1948, Israel didn’t exist, Palestine did, yet we have no right to claim that the land is ours???!!!

Franz wanted Zionist Jews to come occupy Palestine and take everything, even the name of the country they will take by force. Instead, they came and took over but changed the name into Israel. Well, he did mention Eretz Israel as the country of their future in one of his portraits. He failed to mention that it will be built on the ruins of a country, ruins of a nation and on the ruins of Palestinian corps.

Israel relied on “smuggled” Western, Soviet and Czech weapons to ethnically cleanse my people and my land. I give Israel A for repeating history in such a shockingly replicated way. They performed and still performing an on-going “holocaust” against Palestinians but we aren’t allowed to talk about it or we will be labeled as “anti-Semitic”. As if, Palestinians themselves aren’t Semites. They forced Gaza to rely on “smuggling” tunnels after imposing an unjust siege using the pretext of “Shalit”, an Israeli soldier who was released weeks ago, yet Gaza remains under SIEGE.

Ok, ready to hear something hilarious? I came across another link related to “Visit Palestine” poster that was done by Franz Kraus. The article featured David Tartakover, sixty, the graphic artist behind the appearance — or reappearance — of this poster. David is an Israeli who won a top prize for design in 2002.  He expressed his anger when he saw the same poster hung, painted and portrayed by Palestinians in the West Bank and East Jerusalem. He considered this as “Hijacking” the art of his fellow Zionist –We are talking about Franz Kraus here- and how Palestinians did it in a very cheap way.

So an Israeli has the right to feel angry and accuse us of hijacking a poster that portrayed OUR land. Yet we CAN NOT ACCUSE Israel of hijacking our land, hijacking our culture and killing civilians. Hush, you are Palestinian. You were born to die with no voice or rights.

Have you heard of this expression: “He believed his own lie”? I think it implies on Israelis.

We differentiate between a Jew and a Zionist, but its not enough. We call for peace, but its not enough. We condemn the killing of Israeli children in local accidents, but that’s not enough. We condemn the death of Jewish children in international accidents, but its not enough. We shout loudly to explain that not all Gaza’s 1,800,000+ residents are militants, but they don’t believe us and its not enough. We swear that most of us are civilians, they don’t believe us and its not enough. Its never enough. 

Its our land, we are the victims yet WE ARE OBLIGED TO ALWAYS EXPLAIN OURSELVES. We are the occupied not the occupiers. Civilians are killed here while Israel claim self defense, feel free to check Israel statistics about the number of civilians killed by Palestinian “militants” each year and you will find a simple single digit if not 0. Yet, check the number of Palestinian children killed in Gaza by Israel, the number would be so damn high.

You have to be really super dumb, brainless and idiotic to not see the truth.

Palestine existed before 1948 and exists now, yet some Israelis tell us Palestine doesn’t exist because its Israel now. Here is my message for them:

“Dears, if you steal a land from someone that doesn’t make it yours. Dear, if you decided to change the Oranges name to Apples that doesn’t make an apple out of an Orange. Dear, wake up because you are living a lie fed to you by propaganda with an agenda.”

Free Palestine.

Yours truly,

Omar from Gaza