4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible

4m Gaza 2 NYC: Mission Impossible

Gaza, October 14, I have been hesitating about writing this post or waiting. But I actually might not make it to NYC so I decided to write everything that happened to me since the 1^st "4m Gaza 2 NYC" post, so you better buckle up because it’s a hell of a bumpy ride.

Hmmm I don’t even know from where to start. Ok, so after definite guarantees from a news agency in the West Bank that I wrote for, I decided to go ahead and apply through Jerusalem. I didn’t know what was waiting for me. In fact, many were commenting on how confident and assured I was. They made fun of my optimism but it didn’t affect me at all.

I sent all the required documents to the news agency and I had strong faith that I will DEFINITLEY get a permit to visit Jerusalem. After all, I am not affiliated with any Palestinian faction, I don’t have any security issues and I am a journalist. Many other Palestinians cross Erez, so why wouldn’t I cross to?

September and October were loaded with Jewish holidays so I collected some needed patience (You must know that patience isn’t one of my virtues) and waited with a smile. The number of people who thought I was crazy for applying through Jerusalem increased, but I didn’t care and I never lost confidence.

Ofcourse, during my waiting period, I skipped job interviews and cared less for any job opportunity since I will be leaving to NYC soon, or so I thought. I only went to an UNRWA job interview and I took the whole thing lightly although I did really good.

I let all my friends in Jerusalem know that I am coming soon. I wanted to meet them all and I was very excited that I will be visiting Jerusalem. Honestly, my excitement about Jerusalem topped my excitement for NYC. I would sleep and dream about walking in the streets of the old city and the alleys of Eastern Jerusalem and wake up the next day with a smile on my face.

I googled some amazing hotels in eastern Jerusalem, took addresses of some interesting places I want to visit and made a schedule that contains the names of places and people I wish to meet and see. It was crazy that I will have only two days but I was determined to make it work.

A few days ago I got a call. I was asked for an interview by Israeli authorities on Erez check point so they can determine whether I should be given permission or not (a permission to visit my own land, no comment). I kept an open mind until I learned that the interview was on October 22^nd. I will not have any time for my interview in the US consulate in Jerusalem and will def. have no time to get to Cairo on time if I was ever granted the visa. And this interview won't guarantee me a permit.

So I quickly shifted all my plans and efforts to the US embassy in Cairo. I thought it will be just like the one in Jerusalem and boy I was very very very wrong.

Now I have a few days to finish the procedures of a new US visa application, pay again, schedule a meeting in US embassy in Cairo, get there to do it, wait and then make to NYC in time. You might think its possible, but trust me its not.

I decided to take today off to consider whether I wanna go through this anymore or not. I decided that I wont go down without a fight. Cairo sounds like a long shot but I am gonna do it even if I am gonna waste time, energy, nerves and money and even if I know that there is a 90% chance of failure. I am Palestinian, we never give up and we never go down without a fight.

The death of your dream\s is a price you have to pay for living in besieged Gaza. Its not your fault yet you have to pay the price anyway. But what I am trying to tell the world is: Living in Gaza doesn’t mean we are not allowed of having dreams and making those dreams come true. That is why I am not giving up no matter what.

I got an email with an important yet not final\guaranteed book offer but I couldn’t be happy about it because all I can think about now is whether I would be able to make it to NYC or not. I have seen support and I am very thankful but with all due respect to everyone no one feels what you are feeling or goes through what you are going through but you.

This is so major for me on so many levels. I try to explain it sometimes but I feel. This is linked to so many things that I will mention later but the most prominent issue that I see from everything I went thru lately is that: People in Gaza are humans too; they have the right to dream\travel without going through hell and back. Gazans get scholarships\training and many other offers to travel but they cant, they are trapped. Not only Erez is impossible and Rafah is hellish but also the battle of obtaining a visa is a crisis by its own self.

This inspired me to send this email to the US consulate in Jerusalem:

"Dear Sir\Madam,

I write you today hoping to have my voice heard. My permit to Jerusalem has been denied and I have only a week to get to Cairo, schedule an appointment and go through it. This means that there is a 90% chance that I will no longer be able to get a US visa. 

I applied for a US visa because I was invited by the UN for a media training. Only a few elite Palestinians are chosen each year and they chose me this year because they saw in me a prominent journalist, social media pioneer and a public figure from Gaza (per to what they said). New York has been the city of my dreams for a long long while because NYC is a dynamic, passionate yet serene city and we are very much alike. NYC is the city of dreamers and I am a dreamer.

But thanks to the fact that I live in besieged Gaza, this dream has ended before it even started. 

I hereby send you an urgent request to try to find a solution for the people from Gaza who wish to apply for a US visa because they were chosen for a scholarship, training, tour .... etc. Why dont the US consulate consider opening a representative office in Gaza? or maybe interview the people from Gaza through skype (which is a method used internationally and professionally).

Its devastating to struggle for a couple of months to make ur dream come true but its even more devastating to watch your dream die without being given a chance even. My dream and the dreams of many young people here in Gaza have died because of the hardships we go through to try to obtain an interview at a US consulate here or in Cairo and we failed for reasons that have nothing to do with us and that arent in our hands.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE consider my request. Atleast my dream wouldnt have died for no reason. You have the chance to help many people realize their dreams so please just consider discussing my suggestions. 

Just because we live in Gaza it doesnt mean we dont have the right of dreaming and realizing our dreams.

I have confidence in you. 

My best regards of gratitude, respect and hope.

Thanks."

I am waiting for their response. If they don’t respond, then I will start a petition.

We have the right to live, have equal rights, have dreams and be respected like everyone else and its about time we demand this.

I hope this sparks a change. If I got to NYC or not, atleast I would have made a change that will lead to facilitate a person's life in Gaza in his\her pursuit to make dreams come true.

Love,

Omar from BESIEGED Gaza.

God in me VS. God in sky

God in me VS. God in sky

Gaza, September 30, At 5:30 am the sun starts weaving its rays around the velvety blue sky so slowly and carefully here in Gaza, light starts penetrating the world until it illuminate it. Usually, when I cant sleep at night and if I am nervous or going through something I turn to one of my house's windows to have a 101 conversation with god. I'm this kind of person who has long conversations with god and the spirits of dead people, I talk to my mom's and grandma's pictures whenever I miss them. Some think its crazy while others -like me- think that these conversations will be heard by god and\or the dead people we talk to.

My biggest relief comes when I open a window on a very cold wintery night and talk to god while the rain splashes on my face and the chilly wind penetrates my bones while its still dark outside and everybody is asleep but me and god. I become so honest, real and articulate. I bond with god and call me crazy but I feel like god hears me. I do it in summer also but I prefer it in winter.

Today isn’t a wintery day, but with all the craziness I am going through regarding where I stand in my life right now, I felt like I needed a conversation with god. I needed this conversation so bad especially after the endless nervousness regarding the US visa procedures and my trip to NEW YORK. For others, it might be just a trip or just a UN media training or an experience or a break or their own interpretation of such a trip. For me, the case is very very very different.

I have obsessed about New York after watching allot of good, bad and horrendous American shows of all kinds. After reading about New York, I felt like I relate to this city in allot of ways. New York has many sides: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and numerous other shades and faces. I have many sides too. New York is dynamic and artistic and I am dynamic and artistic in my own way. For me, New York is a dream-come-true of a city that dreams come true in. And I want to go there so bad. New York is the city of dreamers and I have big dreams.

After I left MSF, I landed many job interviews. Some I liked and others I disliked and decided to run in the opposite direction before\if things progressed. During September, I felt like time is passing by so slowly, but now that we are one step shy of October I feel like time is flying by so rapidly. It's crazy, I know, but it just shows you how crazy my life is right now. What if I get a good job offer right now? What will a job offer that will make me say no to New York look like? Should I say no to all job offers if I really want New York? Do I want New York more than landing a good job here in Gaza? Are five weeks worth turning job offers down? Should I just boycott all job interviews and offers for NYC's sake? What if don’t make it to NYC? And a thousand other depressing question that I overwhelm myself with during this dramatic period of my life.

While others are taking it easy, I am freaking out. UN sent us the housing options that turned out to be only one housing option which is a box-sized room in YMCA Manhattan. The location is VERY strategic but the place is horrible for me. Unfortunately, I am not this kind of person who doesn’t mind sleeping on somebody's floor and showering in public bathrooms.

I am comfortable with who I am but I wouldn’t deny that I wish I was this kind of person. Staying at a room that fits only for a small bed and sharing a bathroom with 30 other rooms for me is simply UNACCEPTABLE. Call me a brat, call me privileged, call me soft skinned, call me sissy or call me whatever you like I don’t care. I wouldn’t live properly if I didn’t stay at a place that had a good-sized bedroom with your own private bathroom. And in case you don’t know this: Prices of places to stay at in Manhattan ARE RIDICULOUSLY high. So that adds to my dilemma. I wasn’t expecting the UN to place us at the trump tower but I didn’t see that YMCA place coming either. So, I will keep searching till I find something affordable and comfortable at the same time. Wish me luck please.

And an epiphany that I went through this morning was: I am still not over my grandmother's death. Ok, by now you are confused and wondering why the hell are you reading this depressing and confusing blog post!!!! I agree with you LOL I am wondering the same thing. I strayed away from the main issue.

So after feeling all of what you just read above, I needed to resort to god and have a good conversation with him.  I went to every window on every side of my house in Gaza, but all windows were blocked. I can no longer see the sky from any window of my house due to the magnitude of the construction work that has been done around us and infront of us and behind us and on every side and…. .

It just hit me that I can no longer communicate with god from any window of my house. I got sad and angry. I know god is inside of us and we don’t need to look at the sky to talk to him. I know that we can see god in the pedals of a flower, in the stream of flowing water, in birds and animals and basically in everything that he created. But just like sometimes we seek people's recognition of how good we are, although we know we are damn good, I needed to look at the sky when I talk to god today because I needed to feel his presence so I can feel good and bathe in relief. I always talk to the voice of god in me but sometimes I just need to be vulnerable enough to look at the sky above and just vent out to god.

I thought of going downstairs but I decided not to. Because I would not be able to have a loud and verbal conversation with god unless I don’t mind sending the neighbors a message of how crazy I am, and I do. And because its school time and many children will be crowding the whole area walking their way to school.

While I was writing this blog post, I was sitting on my bed and it was nearly 7 am. I thought of taking a break but I was worried about the daily power outage that might happen any second now and till this second I don’t know if I would be able to publish this post or complete it now. I looked out of the opened window, and to my surprise, from my current eye-level there is a small space of sky visible and its all what I need.

I thought I wont be able to talk to god anymore and look up to the sky while doing it. Apparently I still can. Maybe not for long, but for now I still can. And its enough, so I call for celebration.

Ok, I don’t know why I felt like sharing this lame blog post with you all. I just did. Please don’t hate me if I wasted your time and I promise that I am not always that silly or lame SO PLEASE COME BACK AND CHECK MY BLOG FREQUENTLY AND DON’T RUN AWAY.

I wish you all a happy day wherever you are and I decided to send a prayer for every person struggling in this world today, wherever he\she is, and whatever he\she might be going through. We are all connected, we are all one. May we all live in peace, love and harmony. May we all exude, share, live, give, appreciate and seek happiness.

Love,

Omar from Gaza

UPDATE: Killers of Vittorio Arrigoni prosecuted

UPDATE: Killers of Vittorio Arrigoni prosecuted 

Gaza, September 17^th, Military Court in Gaza sentenced today four Palestinians accused of killing Italian activist Vittorio Arrigoni to hard labor and prison. Sentences came after holding more than twenty court sessions in the presence of an Italian lawyer assigned by Vik's family.

The court sentenced two defendants to life in prison, "Mahmoud Salfiti" and "Amer Al hasasna", on charges of kidnapping and murder.

Court also ruled the imprisonment of Khader Jerim sentenced to ten years in prison for participating in the kidnapping and imprisonment of fourth defendant, Amer Abu Ghoula, to one year in prison on charges of harboring the kidnappers.

Arrigoni, 36, Italian peace activist, worked with the Pro-Palestinian ISM (International Solidarity Movement), was murdered in April of 2011, hours after he was abducted by gunmen in Gaza.

For his part, the Palestinian Center for Human Rights said that Arrigoni family sent an official letter to the court requesting the non-recourse to the death penalty against the accused as provided by the Palestinian Penal Code.

Khalil Shaheen, a member of the center, said in a press statement that the trial was transparent.

Vittorio wrote a book called "Stay Human" which touched his life and work in Gaza.

To read more about Vittorio's abduction, murder, work and Gaza's reaction towards his murder, Please check previous posts:

http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/vittorio-arrigoni-ism-worker-kidnapped.html

http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/goodbye-vittorio-arrigoni-killed-in.html

http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/new-updates-on-vittorio-arrigonis.html

http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/vittorio-arrigonis-killers-captured-in.html

http://gazatimes.blogspot.com/2011/04/from-gaza-to-vittorio-with-love.html

Omar